People know me as the Super Bowl MVP and Hall of Fame quarterback. They probably don’t know that I struggled to get on the field in college. I had a good arm and was passionate about games, but the coaches told me the reason I wasn’t seeing much of the field was that I wasn’t working hard during practice. At first, it made me angry. Who cared about practice? Then it hit me—most of my time in shoulder pads was spent at practice. I was so focused on the games that I was neglecting the moments that prepared me for them. I’ve never forgotten that lesson.
I’m retired from football now, but not much has changed. Most of fatherhood feels like ordinary reps. Most dads try hard to show up for “big” moments like prom, recitals, and graduations. But 95% of your time as a dad will be “practice” moments. You’ll spend it around the dinner table, driving carpool, or losing in UNO. Your kids know you’ll be there for the big stuff, but they want a dad who is a great practice player too. Here are 5 small moments that make great dads.
1. When You Give Your Kids Attention
When I was in the NFL, my time was a precious resource. I would spend hours at the facility during the day working out and then study game tape at home many nights. Being a pro quarterback demanded a lot from me, but my kids wanted time with me too. So, I’d try to strike a fair balance. When people hear “balance,” they think “even,” but that’s not how I see it. I define balance as giving a kid what they need. I gave them full effort and my undivided attention for as long as I could. That meant no game plans at the dinner table. It meant I’d step away from studying to play with them. My kids knew when it was their time, Dad was all in. I’d put off work because giving them half of me was the same as not being there at all. You don’t have to spend 10 hours per day with your kids to be a good dad, but you do have to give them your full attention when you can. Make time for them and put away distractions.
2. When You Give Your Kids Advice
Three of my kids like football. That was easy for us to talk about. The other four couldn’t care less about football, so giving them advice on their hobbies was a little harder. But I learned that kids don’t need you to be an expert. They need you to be engaged. When you pay attention to what matters to them, you’ll naturally find moments to guide them. I may not know everything about horseback riding or theater or whatever they’re into, but I do know what it means to work hard. I’ve had to handle disappointment. I’ve had to keep showing up when it’s hard. So, if I keep showing up for them, I’ll be perfectly positioned to lend practical advice when they need it. You can do the same. Don’t fall for the trap that only experts have something useful to say.
3. When You Choose to Listen
My kids range from age 20 to 37, so conversations are constantly changing. Some are married. Some are in college. Every conversation looks different. But I try not to do most of the talking. Dads make kids feel heard when they don’t turn every moment into a coaching session. I’ve had to bite my tongue over the years when all they really wanted was for me to sit with them in it, not fix anything. Parenting is hard. Your kids need to know they can bring their hurt, joy, and confusion to you, and you’ll pause and pay attention. Listening before you lecture is how to be a great dad.
4. When You Choose to Learn
I know a ton about throwing a slant and reading defenses. I don’t know much about the equestrian world. At least I didn’t, until one of my twins got interested in riding horses. I watched her interact with these giant animals, and I asked a ton of questions. She got so good that she qualified for the Junior Olympics, which gave me the chance to cheer for her. When you learn about what matters to your kids, they learn that they matter to you. There’s no greater gift than that.
5. When You Tell Them You Love Them
My wife and I knew we weren’t going to be perfect parents, but we were sure going to try. I would constantly ask myself, “Did I do enough?” I wanted to know how to be a great dad, and as I grew, I realized what mattered more than helping with homework was making sure my kids knew, without a doubt, that I loved them. They should never question that. Dads make this happen when we show up consistently, put the kids’ needs above our own, and make sure they feel like Dad is a safe place. We are all going to make mistakes. But if we can remind our kids day after day that we love them more than anything else, we build a bond that outlasts our mistakes.
Sound off: What “practice moments” have you been missing?
In this episode of the All Pro Dad Podcast, the hosts discuss why asking for support from others is essential to becoming a great dad.
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “How do you feel when we spend time together?”