The job of an NFL long snapper is both simple and stressful. It also requires incredible focus and attention to detail. I line up over the ball, look between my legs, zero in on my target, and launch a pinpoint spiral. To ascend to the highest level, I had to dedicate hours each day working on my craft because, in my position, there isn’t much room for error. As a professional, I don’t have the luxury of missing the bullseye. As a parent, it’s the opposite. Getting it right can feel impossible some days.
I’m in the early days of being a dad. My son, Bobby, is a few months old, and I’ve already learned that there is no such thing as a perfect parent. I have made a ton of mistakes already and expect to make more. The cool thing is, I recognize that messing up here and there is not the worst thing. Errors are opportunities. As a specialist on the football field, the word “mistakes” scares me. As a dad, I embrace it because I know that if I’m willing to learn from my mistakes, my son will benefit. Have you been missing the bullseye? Here are 3 mistakes dads make and how to grow from them.
1. Studying Too Much
It sounds weird, but it’s true. You can overanalyze your role as a dad to the point where you can’t make solid decisions. I experienced a little bit of this already. When my wife was pregnant, I spent weeks reading parenting books, talking to friends, and soaking up as much information as I could. It felt like I was back at LSU preparing for the national championship game again. But this approach can lead to information overload instead of solid advice for new dads. Imagine studying for a driver’s license for months but never touching a steering wheel. There is no substitute for the real thing. No matter how prepared you feel, holding that child will change the game. Glean advice for sure, but don’t study so hard that you start doing things “by the book” and not developing your own parenting rhythm.
If you’re this dad, consider trimming your sources. We live at a time when all the world’s knowledge is a screen tap away, but we resist the urge to live in the deep end. Find one or two trusted sources of information and lean on them. Save helpful articles and videos to refer back to down the road.
2. Comparing Yourself to Other Dads
Since we were kids, I’ve looked up to my brother, Reid. He’s a few years ahead of me, so he went through school first, football recruiting first, and becoming a dad first as well. He was a trailblazer in those areas for me, but I’m not him, and he’s not me. As much as I appreciate what he’s taught me, I can’t compare myself to him. He’s my son’s uncle, not his dad. If I start judging myself against his success or my kids against his kids, it’s a recipe for jealousy, anger, or even pride. Comparison will lead dads to one of two thoughts: “He’s better than me,” or “I’m better than him.” Neither of those is good for me, nor you. Fight the urge to compare yourself. Your situations, environment, and kids’ temperaments are all different. In parenting, it’s rarely apples to apples.
If you’ve made this mistake, recognize that it’s better for you to start comparing yourself to yourself. Are you growing as a dad? Are you maturing? Are you more empathetic, patient, and loving than yesterday? Then you’re winning. Keep growing.
3. Not Working as a Team
In football, if 10 players do their job and one doesn’t, the whole team fails on that play. That’s how fumbles, sacks, and interceptions happen. Teammates matter on the field. They also matter at home. Most dads aren’t working solo. Your child’s mother is your teammate and needs your full support, even if you don’t live in the same house anymore. When my son was born, I recognized I couldn’t really do much for my wife physically. She was doing most of the childcare. But I knew I needed to support her emotionally. I asked how she was feeling and what I could do to help her, and I stayed present in case she felt overwhelmed. This was valuable in Bobby’s first few weeks, and I can already see how being unified with my wife will be necessary as he ages. Not every dad lives with his child’s mother, but it’s still important to support her and not undermine her.
Is it too late to fix parenting mistakes? No. If you haven’t been a great teammate, start over today. Apologize if you need to. Pledge to be more supportive and caring. Ask what she needs and be more selfless. Your kids are watching you and learning how a mother should be treated. Give them a great example. Your kids need you to be a great teammate with their mom.
Sound off: What’s been the best advice for new dads you’ve received?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What does it feel like when you make a mistake?”