It was only when I got to the hospital and saw the flurry of activity around her that I realized how close my wife had come to dying. While driving our kids home from the dentist, she’d had a serious allergic reaction. Even as this was happening, she still managed to drive herself to the ER. The nurses at the triage desk took one look at her and ushered her straight to a bed and an IV. As I approached her bedside, the nurses told me they’d given her epinephrine in time, but that it would still be a while before she’d be allowed to go home.
This was a wake-up call. Things can go south really fast if we’re not intentional about our personal health. I could’ve lost my wife that day. In a similar way, if we’re not intentional with our marriage, we can lose that pretty quickly too. Marriage breakdowns happen over time if a man gets lazy and stops working at the relationship. Thankfully, there are many ways we can step up our game with our wives. Here are 4 husband wake-up calls.
1. When You Don’t Make Being With Her a Priority Anymore
When you were newly married, you might have jumped at every opportunity to spend time with your wife. But now things have changed. You’re often working late, you can’t remember the last time you went on a date, and you never go to bed together anymore. It probably wasn’t a conscious choice to let things get in the way of your relationship, but you’re going to need to choose her again to strengthen your marriage. Go to bed when your wife does. Send her random text messages throughout the day. Do the dishes or go to the store with her. Plan dates like you did when you were first married. Avoid the marriage breakdown by finding ways to make time with your wife a priority every day.
2. When You Find Yourself Fantasizing About Someone Else
You’re walking a dangerous road when you take an extra-long look at the attractive coworker, find yourself imagining what might have happened in a past relationship, or find sexual satisfaction with a screen instead of your wife. There are beautiful women all around us. Noticing that beauty isn’t what leads to a marriage breakdown. Choosing to dwell on another woman’s beauty does. If you realize you’re fantasizing about another woman, answer the wake-up call and do something about it. Take time to notice the little things that make your wife beautiful. Maybe you love the smell of her hair. It might be the way a certain pair of jeans looks on her or the way she smiles at you when you come home. Look for the beauty in your wife (and don’t be afraid to tell her that you see it).
3. When She Shudders or Resists When You Try to Touch Her
Sex can be a powerful part of being married. Physical intimacy is often an expression of the other intimacies you share (emotional, psychological, and spiritual). If your wife feels taken for granted, if she’s generally frustrated with you, or if you’ve hurt her in some way, she may hesitate or resist your attempts at intimacy. If you feel like you’re hitting a wall every time you try to get close to your wife, this is a clear marriage breakdown. But it’s also an invitation to work on other aspects of your relationship. Practice speaking her love language as often as you can. Make sure you’re pulling your weight with the kids and the house. Look for ways you’re falling short as a husband, and take her cold shoulder as a challenge to do better.
4. When You Start Hiding Things
Despite his intentions of being completely honest with his wife, a husband can sometimes fall into the trap of keeping things from her. This could be a purchase you don’t want her to know about, a thread of searches on your phone you delete so she doesn’t catch you, or some screw-up you’re scared to admit to her. If you find yourself hiding things from your wife or lying to her, you’re risking a marriage breakdown. Make a conscious choice instead to let her into your life. Make a budget where you plan for discretionary purchases. Let her know some of the places that you need help with. Admit when you screw up and be ready to say you’re sorry. Learning to be more honest with your wife, even if you’ve failed her, can actually strengthen your relationship.
Sound off: What are other ways to avoid a marriage breakdown?
Huddle up with your wife and ask: “What is one way I love you well, and one way I could do better?”