Being in the NFL requires maximum effort. I should know. I was a seventh-round draft pick who had to work hard to make it in the league. For 14 years, I’ve given every last drop of sweat I have in practices and games. Every player has to do this, or someone behind him will try to take his job. The guys with long careers combine talent with a work ethic. Since everyone is talented, effort is what makes players stand out in the crowd. The first rule of getting better is showing up and working hard.
My mindset is the same at home with my family. Because I want to be a better dad today than yesterday, I have to consistently show up for my kids. You may think, “Parenting isn’t like the NFL. Nobody is coming to replace you at home.” Not true. If our kids don’t get our full effort, they won’t get the attention, love, and comfort they crave. They’ll go looking for those things somewhere else, and you shouldn’t want that. So, dads everywhere have to go all in with their kids. No days off. It’s tough, but it’s worth it. Here are 4 things that happen when you give full effort at home.
1. Your kids feel seen.
Sometimes, after games and hard practices, the couch looks really inviting. But kids don’t care about rest. They want to play. Dads get to choose to match their kids’ excitement. It takes effort to drag out and ride bikes, go to the beach, and play on the four-wheelers. But the effort leads to the laughs. I have three kids, and they light up when they get quality time with Dad. So, I muster up the energy, even when I’m drained. Kids are smart. They will notice if we choose the couch over basketball in the driveway or puzzles together on the floor. I want my kids to feel seen and believe that their dad is putting in effort to be with them. If we expect to have a big impact with little effort, we’ll be disappointed with the results. Impact always follows effort.
2. You realize the value of mentors.
Sometimes giving full effort, while a great start, still leaves us short of our goal. That’s OK. That’s where mentors come in. Knowing how to be a great father doesn’t always come naturally. I learned a lot about both football and fatherhood from the veteran dads in the locker room when I arrived in Pittsburgh. I watched guys like James Harrison, Troy Polamalu, and Ryan Clark interact with their kids on Saturday mornings. They were smiling, and their kids were playing. All it took was a little effort to get them there. I saw that it was possible to be a great player and a great dad at the same time if you were willing to put in effort in both arenas.
Those teammates, along with others like Larry Fitzgerald and Max Starks, shared a lot of wisdom with me that I took home and applied with my family. I’m evolving a bit as a dad as the years go by. My oldest is almost in middle school, so I’m learning a new rhythm of fatherhood there. My middle and youngest are only a year apart, so they vie for my attention. Giving effort with them is easier for me now because I saw it modeled in the locker room years ago. Find yourself a dad who is a few years down the road and pick his brain. Ask questions and listen. Learn from someone who has been there and is willing to explain how effort led him to being a better dad, then put those lessons into action.
3. You hone your creative side.
Connecting with kids can be hard when you’re on the road for months at a time, like NFL players. But with a little creativity, I have found ways to stay tethered to my family. I recently bought my son a Bible and asked him to read Psalm 91 while I was away on a trip. I told him I’d be reading it as well and promised to discuss it and compare notes when I got back. It wasn’t a grand gesture. The assignment was easy, but the effort drove the connection.
Creativity doesn’t have to be an enormous show. Maybe you work up to that, but start with something simple. Send a text message to your older child at the same time every day. Maybe you and your younger kids create a goofy, personal handshake together. Making an effort so your kids have a great relationship with their dad will drive you to do more and more, and to one-up yourself each time.
4. You make core memories.
Our kids love the movie Inside Out. One scene shows a core memory being deposited in a young girl’s mind after a life-defining moment. That reminds me that every minute my kids are awake has the potential to be a core memory. This affects my effort level because I want my kids’ childhoods to be filled with amazing memories. When kids are small, we have to spend as much time with them as we can. Quantity time matters. As they enter adolescence, quality time becomes king. Focus on maximizing every moment by seizing your opportunities. Ask good questions on the car ride to practice. Stay up late to watch their favorite movie. Dance in the rain. Make the cupcakes. Do the things they want to do because your effort could crack the door for a core memory to form. When your kids are older, and they laugh with you over those “remember whens,” you’ll be grateful you gave full effort. If you want to know how to be a great father, start by trying to make positive core memories.
Sound off: What gets in the way of you giving your full effort with your kids?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What does it mean to do your best?”