Her voice was very small as my daughter looked up at me, gripping my arm. She struggled to get the words out: “Can we please go home?” It was a gut-wrenching end to what had been, up to that point, a fun afternoon for our whole family. My kids had enjoyed a great day at the lake until my daughter noticed that several of her friends were also there, but when they saw her, they moved as far away from us as possible. With a promise of ice cream, I packed my kids into the van and headed back to town.
Whether it’s the choices she’s made or something that’s happened to her, there are many reasons a girl might get her heart broken. But no matter how she gets hurt, a dad has a unique ability to help his daughter cope with the pain. If you want to know the best way to help a heartbroken daughter, here are 10 do’s and don’ts.
1. Do get her out of a difficult situation.
If your daughter’s heart is breaking from friends who’ve shunned her, or you get a call because a boy has broken up with her, your daughter might feel stuck. She likely needs help getting out of a difficult situation. Whether it’s going to pick her up yourself or buying her a ticket to fly home, do whatever you can to get her where she feels safe and loved.
2. Don’t badmouth the ones who caused the heartache.
Resist the temptation to pile on the one who hurt her. You’re not a teenager, and she doesn’t need you to gossip like one. Putting down her friends, her ex, or her boss doesn’t help at all. It just adds more negativity to an already painful situation.
3. Do let her cry.
If you’re not sure how to help a heartbroken daughter, one of the simplest things you can do is let her feel what she feels. These feelings might be big. Michael Ross of Focus on the Family says it’s important to “[u]nderstand that your teenage child is dealing with adult-sized emotions. The pain is real, and she needs your sympathy.” If she needs to cry or yell, let her do it. Listen to her vent without judging her. A broken heart hurts, and she may just need the chance to let it all out.
4. Don’t talk too much.
Though you were a teenager once and probably had a similar experience, do be mindful of how much time you talk about it. You’re not going to fix her broken heart with your words. You may have some good dad advice to share, but make sure you’re listening to her, even if you have to sit through some awkward moments of silence too.
5. Do stay available to her.
If your daughter runs up to her room, shuts the door, and buries herself in her pillow, let her. Respect her space and her wish to have time alone, but don’t abandon her there. Check in on her from time to time and make sure you’re around and available when she eventually does come out of her room.
6. Don’t use cliches.
Cliches don’t really help in moments like these. While it’s technically true that your daughter is still young or that she’ll have other boyfriends, telling her this isn’t going to help. What it does instead is minimize her pain, especially if she’s never been through this before.
7. Do take her on a dad date.
Look for a moment to do something with her. Take her out for dinner, dessert, or to a movie. Dad-daughter dates are important, even as your daughter gets older and may be going on other dates as well. The one-on-one time with you could be a haven for an aching heart.
8. Don’t put a timeline on her pain.
Don’t expect that she’s going to get over this heartbreak the same way you did when you were a teenager. People often respond to pain in different ways. Some people bounce back right away, while others take a little bit longer. Bear with her as she makes sense of the feelings and gets her heart back in order.
9. Do laugh with her.
Some say that laughter is the best medicine. Help her find something to laugh about. You could ask her to watch a cheesy movie with you. Or you might scroll through silly cat videos on TikTok. Or maybe you could have a dance party with her in the kitchen. In the right doses and at the right times, humor is a great comfort to a broken heart.
10. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
There may come a time when you feel over your head in supporting your daughter through her heartbreak. Don’t be afraid to enlist others to help. That might mean asking her mom, other family members, or close friends to step up. If it seems like your daughter’s stuck in a funk and you’re not sure she’s coming out of it, you might also consider enlisting outside professional help, like a counselor.
Sound off: What else can you do to help a heartbroken daughter?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What helps you feel better when you’re sad?”