I couldn’t wait to see what was inside the gift bag. My daughter had been whispering about it to my wife for days. She’d traced it, measured it, cut it out, and wrapped it all by herself. When I pulled it out, she had to explain to me that she’d made me a cape. And even though it was pink, made of construction paper, and barely fit around my neck, this cape might be the best Father’s Day gift I’ve ever received. My daughter’s eyes were shining as she put it on me, and her meaning was clear: “Dad, you’re my hero.”
When my kids make me gifts for Father’s Day and write me sweet cards, I’m often overwhelmed. I sometimes feel like an imposter. While I do my best to be a good dad, I know there are many ways I could be better. But the words in the cards and these memorable gifts are also a motivation this year to step up my dad game. If you’ve ever asked yourself, “How can I be a better father?” here are 8 Father’s Day resolutions.
1. I will be more present.
I’ve watched a lot of hockey the past two springs as my favorite team has gone on lengthy playoff runs. But between games, there are highlights, articles, and podcasts, which means I’m staring at my phone instead of being with my kids. A good first resolution is to minimize the distractions in your life. Make sure your kids know they’re more important than work, screens, and your favorite sports team by choosing to be more present with them. The story you read or the effort to look over their homework may not seem like much to you, but they’ll notice you’re there with them.
2. I will spend more time playing with them.
When the other kids were gone to camp, my young daughter had me blow up the kiddie pool in the backyard. At first, she was excited to have it all to herself, but it quickly became obvious that she was lonely, so I went out to play in the pool with her. Don’t be afraid to get wet or to get messy. It doesn’t matter if they’d like to wrestle, have a tea party, build LEGOs, or toss a ball around. The key is that you’re in the middle of it with them. Be ready to spend time playing on the floor, getting into the kiddie pool, or going outside and shooting hoops. Kids love it when Dad is willing to step into their world.
3. I will set a better example for them.
The number of pretzels and Cheerios that end up at the bottom of our pantry drives me bananas. I couldn’t understand why my kids are always grabbing handfuls of these between meals, until my wife pointed out that it’s what I do too. Kids are copycats. No matter how much you want your kids to do what you say and not what you do, they’re going to imitate your actions more than listen to your words. If you’re wondering how you can be a better father, try to model those qualities you most want them to develop: things like honesty, courage, kindness, integrity, compassion, and empathy.
4. I will let them know they’re valuable.
My teenage son is always the first to start filling the sink to wash dishes, even before we tell the kids to start clearing the table. When I told him, in clear terms, how much I appreciate his maturity and helpfulness, he sat up straighter and tried hard not to smile too widely. A great dad resolution is to use your words to build up your kids. Tell them the good things and growth you see when you look at them. A dad is in a privileged position to tell his kids how much they matter. Use that privilege to build them up.
5. I will keep my temper in check.
When I handed my son the pressure washer, I expected him to soak the car and me as well. What I didn’t expect was the carnage that came when he pressure-washed the flower garden. And I’m not proud of how I reacted in that moment. Kids mess up sometimes, and how you respond matters. Emily Edlynn, Ph.D., says, “[M]ost of the time, yelling is not a parenting strategy but an emotional response.” When your kids misbehave, work to make sure your reaction is appropriate to the situation. Trying to yell less is a good resolution for dads to work on.
6. I will honor my kids’ mother.
For years, I’ve tried to keep a stash of Oh Henry! bars in the house. These are my wife’s favorites. Whenever I grab a couple at the checkout, my kids give me a knowing smile. They know the Oh Henry! bars are for Mom. The way you treat your kids’ mom will be the standard your kids use to measure their own relationships. Whether you’re with your kids’ mom or not, resolve to treat her with honor and respect. Your kids should never hear you talk badly about her or contradict her in front of them. Do all you can to love her and honor her better this year than last year.
7. I will give them one-on-one time.
I don’t know that she really likes The Hobbit, but it’s one of my favorite stories. That’s why last winter, my nine-year-old daughter asked me to read it to her every night. Kids savor alone time with their dad. If you’ve got a lot of kids at home, find ways to spend time with each one individually throughout the week. This might be a dad date, reading to a kid before bed, or even going for a walk. One-on-one moments with your kids are a privileged opportunity to hear what’s going on in their lives. (If you’re not sure what to talk about, check out these conversation starters.)
8. I will let my kids fail.
My son burned a lot of grilled cheese sandwiches before he learned he had the burner on too high, but he got there. And I think his lunch tastes sweeter because he figured it out on his own. Your kids are learning how to play sports, do household chores, drive, and a hundred other things. They’re not going to be good at all of it right away. Instead of getting upset if they don’t get it right, embrace their imperfections and teach them how to learn from their mistakes.
Sound off: How else can you be a better father?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What can we do together today?”