5 Things Teens Have Lost Today

“Teenagers today are so entitled.” This is a common sentiment. We see all the things teens have, and we think, “They just don’t know how well they have it!” And in some ways, that’s very true. Many of our teens have access to far more opportunities, resources, and support than we ever did.

And yet, our teens are missing a few important things that are critical to their healthy development. But we can help with the challenges that teenagers face today. Here are 5 things teens have lost and what you can do about them.

1. Intergenerational Connections

Whether it’s marketing, church programming, or extracurricular activities, so much of what we do segregates us by age. This, of course, simply plays to the tendency most teens have to identify with other teens and push back on relationships with older individuals. One of the challenges teenagers face today is this lack of intergenerational relationships. They are vital, as they offer wisdom and perspective that are often lacking among our teens.

So how do we change this? It won’t be easy, but we can start by refusing to accept the idea that teens and adults can’t have conversations. Look for opportunities to connect your teen with trustworthy adults—youth leaders, coaches, teachers, neighbors, and others. Invite these people to your home and spend time with your teens and them together. If you’re part of a faith community, have your teen join with the adults in worship. Force them to get a job where they’re working alongside older individuals and encourage them to get to know them. Helping your teen build these relationships will take hard work. But the results can be truly life-changing for her.

2. Seeing the Big Picture

Teens can be a bit shortsighted. This is fed by social circles that are full of other teens, social media feeds that cater to their interests, as well as a relatively small set of life experiences from which to get perspective. The result can be a very skewed sense of how the world works and an unreasonable emotional response to what otherwise might be small things (drama in her friend group, something happening with her favorite celebrity, and so forth).

So how do we help our teens see the big picture? Slowly. One temptation for parents is to laugh off our teens’ narrow views rather than take them seriously—if not the idea itself, the person. Listen to your teen’s perspective, ask questions. Really seek to understand. Then share your thoughts. Listen to podcasts, read books, and listen to music together. Listen well to her, but then invite her to consider alternatives. Not only will it provide some perspective, but it’ll also deepen your relationship.

3. Enough Time

Wait, don’t teens have 24 hours a day, just like everyone else? Sure. But one of the great challenges teenagers face is the large number of activities vying for their 24 hours. Whether it’s homework, sports, jobs, or even (maybe especially) screen time, our teens’ lives are absolutely full. And often we as parents feel like we can’t, or shouldn’t, step in to help them arrange their time better (for some of us, it might be because we have the same problem!).

But it turns out, our teens need us to. Whether it’s setting limits on screen time, budgeting their time for homework, or setting boundaries around the number of after-school activities they participate in, teens need help learning to manage their time in ways that create margin. So, Dad, don’t let your teen manage his schedule on his own. Teach him.

4. Silence: From Spotify, TikTok, Peers—Even You

Most of our teens almost never experience silence. They’re listening to music as they study, scrolling endlessly on their phones, and texting constantly with friends. There’s always background noise. This might be entertaining, but it’s also unhealthy—creating anxiety, increasing our stress levels, and making it hard to focus on other things. Studies like this one from the Cleveland Clinic show that we need silence for a variety of health benefits, yet our teens’ lives are almost completely devoid of it. What do you do?

Well, for starters, you can set limits on phone use in their room, particularly at bedtime. Have conversations with them about the effects of constant noise on their nervous system. Take walks with your teen during which she is not allowed to wear ear buds. Finally, model healthy practices yourself. Before asking when the last time was that my teen had silence, ask yourself, “When was the last time I had silence in my life?” It’s hard to encourage something you don’t actively experience yourself.

5. A Sense of Hope

Teens can be cynical. In fact, the lack of hope for a good future is one of the foremost challenges teenagers face today. Much of this is warranted: Political and religious leaders fail spectacularly, publicly, and regularly. The excitement around new technology like AI also generates concerns around its long-term environmental impact. Even technology itself is often viewed as suspect (AI fears are rampant). And yet, you can’t live well, if at all, without hope.

So how do we instill a sense of hope in our teens? First, live with hope yourself. Once again, you can’t give what you don’t have. If you find yourself defaulting to cynicism, you’ll need to check yourself before you can challenge your teen. The good news is the path to hopefulness is the same for both you and your teen: Spend less time scrolling and paying attention to the news. Spend more time praying, exercising, talking with your neighbors, reading beautiful fiction, and listening to music that inspires you. Your sense of hope— along with your teen’s— is largely tied to where you place your attention. Be intentional about what you give your attention to.

Sound off: What are some other challenges that teenagers face today?

Dads, your support makes all the difference when your teen is facing anxiety and stress. Listen to this podcast episode to learn how to help them navigate hidden pressures.