We’re 0 for 3. There’s nothing worse than having a 0% success rate, especially for my competitive side. As I look back, I’m not sure I can pinpoint what we did wrong. Maybe nothing. My wife and I have three daughters, and none of them is a good sleeper. My brother’s kid, my friend’s kids, teammates’ kids, all good sleepers, or there’s at least one or two in the mix. Not mine. It’s frustrating. Not having sleep can make you lethargic, irritable, and sometimes even crazy.
Have you ever looked around and compared your experience to another parent and thought, “Why does it seem like it’s going so easily for them? Why is it such a struggle for us?” And look, having kids that don’t sleep is not nearly as difficult or even in the same category as a child with chronic health challenges or developmental difficulties. But we all need to learn how to cope with the difficulties in front of us. Here are 5 ways to deal with parenting challenges.
1. Take care of your spouse.
I’ve seen problems with kids dividing a lot of married couples. Difficulties with kids are exhausting and frustrating, and that can make us lash out at our spouses. We have to remember in those moments that we are on the same team, and if we don’t have one another’s backs, then we’re that much closer to our family falling apart. With our sleep problem, I try to get up with the kids in the morning so my wife can sleep more. In what ways can you be a good teammate to your spouse? Or perhaps you’re not married to your child’s mother, but you’re still raising that child together. How can you support one another to help your kid?
2. Adjust your attitude.
There are times when circumstances are really hard, and you need to complain, vent, or even mourn dreams you had about how it was going to be with kids. That’s understandable and perhaps needed. But after that, we need to face reality with courage and resolve. In fact, our kids need us to. So, after working through the initial emotions, we need to adjust our attitudes and then figure out the best way to address what’s in front of us.
3. Manage your expectations.
Along with adjusting our attitudes, we need to manage our expectations. When my friends and family spoke about their kids sleeping well, I had that expectation for my kids. All kids are unique, and each parenting experience is different. Having expectations or a perfect picture in our minds will only lead to disappointment, frustration, and, in some cases, self-pity. That’s a disservice to our kids. They need nurturing and guidance based on who they are, not what we expect them to be.
4. Learn.
There’s a lot you will learn by studying your child and becoming an expert in who they are and how they behave. That knowledge is helpful. However, there are parents out there who have walked the same road. Seek them out, listen to their stories, regrets, and victories. Learn from them. There are also professionals and experts who can give you insight into your child’s development and strategies you can use that will help your kids grow, mature, heal, and maybe even solve the problems you’re facing. So, make an appointment with a doctor, therapist, or specialist who can assist and educate you.
5. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself.
It may seem selfish to say that we need to take care of ourselves, but we need to do it. It’s hard to give when you’re running on empty. What are the things that rejuvenate you? For me, it’s working out and cooking. Check in with your spouse to find a good time for you to do the things that rejuvenate you. For our family, I get up in the early morning when everyone is still asleep to work out, and then I come home and take care of the kids. Maybe for you it’s taking a nap or going for a walk. Whatever it is, do it and take care of yourself.
Sound off: Have you ever felt exhausted or discouraged by parenting challenges? What helped you keep going?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What is one simple thing you can do this week to help our family when everyone feels tired or frustrated?”