When your kids are young, it’s easy to focus on the wrong things. You worry about their behavior in public, whether they’re brushing their teeth, and how much television they’re watching. Don’t get me wrong, those things are important. But the amount of time we spend worrying about them is disproportionate to how important these things really are in their lives.
What we should spend more time focused on is developing real-life skills for kids. When I say “life skills for kids,” I don’t mean carpentry or changing the oil on your car (though those are good things too). I mean the ability to see the world in a particular kind of way, which leads to a different way of being in it. While this isn’t a definitive list, these are a few of the life skills I’m referring to. Here are 9 lessons your kids need to learn early.
1. You don’t need money to have fun.
Your kids will always be told by the culture around them that what they need is more and better stuff. Fight that. Even if you can afford all the new things, resist teaching your kids that happiness is found in getting what you don’t have. Work to teach them to find joy in what and who they have in front of them–playing together in the back yard, building blanket forts, and going hiking. Foster creativity, not consumerism.
2. Forgiveness is a superpower.
Teaching your kids forgiveness is painful—mostly because it means you have to forgive the people who hurt them too. And forgiving someone who hurt your kids is about the hardest thing imaginable. That said, whether you’re looking at the spiritual realities of forgiveness or the immense psychological—and even physical—health benefits associated with it, learning to forgive is a game-changing super power for your kids…and you.
3. To be generous is better than to be wealthy.
Most of us believe there aren’t enough resources to meet everyone’s needs, so when we get money or resources of some type, we hold onto them as tightly as possible. This leads to a self-centered, small life. However, if we can teach our children that we actually have all that we need and that, as the Apostle Paul said, it is better to give than to receive, we unlock one of the keys to joy for our kids. In fact, the National Institute of Medicine ran a study in 2017 that pointed to a “neural link between generosity and happiness.” If you want happy kids, teach them to be generous.
4. Growth, not comfort, is the goal.
We want our kids to be comfortable. But very few things of any value come by way of comfort. We know this. Working out, getting the degree, having a good marriage, raising kids—it all comes through effort, not comfort. If that’s the case, then we need to resist the urge to make life easy for our kids, and instead help them accept and navigate challenging opportunities with stamina and grace.
5. You have responsibilities.
One of the critical life skills for kids we often abandon is the recognition that responsibility is a gift. Does your child stand up for a classmate who is teased, or does he simply “mind his own business?” Does she step over trash on the ground, or does she pick it up, knowing that caring for our neighborhood takes all of us? Responsibility moves us to be better neighbors. Your kids’ future friends, spouses, neighbors, and coworkers will thank you.
6. There is no “them,” there is only “us.”
Left to our own devices, we tend to gravitate toward people who are like us. For most of us, this isn’t intentional. But if we aren’t actively trying to build bridges, we wake up one morning and everyone around us thinks the same, looks the same, and sees the world the same. There is so much we miss out on when we only spend time with those who agree with us. Spend time with your kids in the presence of people who are not like you. Teach them to see the common humanity in those who are different from they are.
7. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
There are plenty of opportunities to try to mold your children into the image you have for them. But this is a recipe for frustration and resentment for your child. Instead, they need to know that they have a unique set of gifts that they bring to the world, which are likely very different than the ones you bring. The goal is not for them to become what you or anyone else thinks they should be. The goal is to help him or her identify their own gifts and begin to grow into them more fully each day.
8. You are loved.
Your child needs to know she is loved. And the most practical way for you to communicate this to your child is for you to be generous with your expressions of love toward her. Don’t hold onto that phrase until “just the right moment.” Be extravagant with your expressions of love toward your child. It’s far better for them to have to tell you to tone it down than for them to wonder if you love them.
9. Treat people as you want to be treated.
When your daughter tells you a friend has been ostracized from her friend group, do you encourage her to be kind, recognizing how powerful one person can be to an isolated child? Or do you tell her to just stay quiet so that she doesn’t get picked on too? Few things are as transformative or as difficult as learning to treat people as you want to be treated. It’s one of the life skills for kids that is both most needed and most lacking.
Sound off: Huddle up with your wife and ask, “What are the main life skills we’re teaching our children?”
