As a young child, both my parents were smokers. My younger sister and I didn’t like it but were helpless to change the situation, or so we thought. Then, a TV commercial came out that showed children going to their parents and simply asking, “Do you love me?” With a puzzled look, the parent answered, “Of course I love you.” The child asked, “Then why do you smoke?” My sister and I decided we’d try this approach (and try not to get grounded in the process). We went to our mother and father separately, and while our mother continued to smoke, our father quit immediately.
Some habits, like smoking, are widely known as worth quitting. Even the people who don’t know when to quit know perfectly well that they should. But there are other things dads need to quit that aren’t so obvious. Here are 5 things dads need to quit.
1. Complaining
All of us experience pain, sometimes from sources outside ourselves and other times, because we didn’t plan or prepare well enough to prevent it. We really have two responses to that—complain, or use it for motivation to become better. We have five boys, and when they were young I’d play three-on-three football with them. The third born always had to play against one of his older brothers, and he complained a lot, frustrated by how much bigger, faster and stronger they were. I assured him complaining wouldn’t help and that playing against them was making him better. And it did. All of us can come up with reasons to complain. We might be skipped over for a well-deserved promotion or we might have to sacrifice something we really want so our kids can get what they really need. Enduring tough circumstances can actually make us better, but that won’t happen if we complain the whole time.
2. Working Around Family
Since we always have phones on us, people expect us to always be working. One illustration I heard years ago helped me focus on my family more than on work. Three boys wanted to play, and they needed a fourth. One boy said “ask your dad to play.” The little boy excitedly ran into the house saying, “Daddy, Daddy! We need one more; come on, let’s go play!” The father, who was sorting through a pile of papers, said, “I’d really like to, but right now, I have a million things to do.” The little boy walked outside frowning. His friends asked, “Well, what did he say?” “He said he’d rather do a million things than play with me.” Want to know when to quit working? When it’s family time.
3. Breaking Promises
Its easy to say what others want to hear; it’s another thing to actually follow though with the commitment. When we say we’re going to do something, it’s a promise because we gave our word. We need to be much more aware of making commitments and promises without thinking it through. When we give our word as a parent, our children count that as a promise. It’s OK to put conditions on our word, like “depending of the weather,” or “if I get off work in time.” We need to quit being so hasty with promises and diligently follow through on what we say we’re going to do.
4. Procrastinating
There is a temptation to put things off until the last minute; this rarely ends well. We don’t do our very best when rushed. When we rush because of our own carelessness, it increases stress. I don’t believe we need more stress than we already manage. You can start on a project and give yourself a time line to do a little at a time and complete it in advance. It’s a discipline we need to learn.
5. Making Excuses
We tend to justify our shortcomings with excuses. We think this somehow justifies our actions. It doesn’t. It may make you feel better about your situation, but others aren’t seeing that way. It’s much better if we own our mistake and apologize for it. This lets others know you are taking responsibility for your actions and shows character. Know when to quit making excuses; no one wants to hear them.
Sound off: What are some other things dads really need to quit?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What’s something I do that you wish I’d quit doing?”