I was grateful to spend 16 years in an NFL uniform. I learned very early on in my career that nobody was going to give me anything. Everything was earned—playing time, leadership roles, and better contracts. In a league as competitive as the NFL, there are no handouts. It was easy for players to tie their worth to their performance, because survival as a pro athlete is always about “what have you done for me lately.”
Things are not that way in my home. As a dad, my love doesn’t come with any strings attached. There’s no need for my kids to “earn” the things all people deserve. You and your kids shouldn’t have to, either. Here are 3 things you don’t have to earn.
1. Genuine Respect
Performance might get admiration, but respect is much different. All people are worthy of respect regardless of performance. One of the most enjoyable parts of an NFL game are the handshakes after the game. It’s a way to show mutual respect for opponents. Showing respect is how we honor each other’s dignity. That should be freely recognized.
2. Inherent Value
Similarly, your value is pre-set. Your value does not depend on your performance. Your importance is not connected to your accolades. Your worth is not tied to your income. You are infinitely valuable because you are infinitely loved by the God who created you, whose image you bear. You have value, not because of your job, sales record, or community status, but because you are a human being.
3. Unconditional Love
As soon as you begin adding qualifiers to your love, it ceases to be love at all. Be honest with yourself—are you putting conditions on your love for your kids? Your gut reaction is probably “no.” Think harder. Research reveals dads will often show love more quickly to kids who are “easy,” meaning obedient, who cause fewer problems in the home. If you do this, you’re communicating that you show love based on behavior. Guard yourself against this. Do everything in your power to make sure your love for your kids, and your wife if you’re married, is based on nothing other than the father-child bond. You love your kids because they’re yours, and nothing will ever change that, because love is one of the things you don’t have to earn.
Sound off: What can you do to ensure your kids don’t try to earn any of the things you don’t have to earn?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “How would you feel if you were told you had to do something in order to be loved?”