My son’s face scrunched up as he looked at the ceiling of the van. Before I knew it, he’d taken the remote control and snapped it into a similarly shaped slot above the TV screen. In the ten years we’d owned the van, the kids had lost the remote more times than I could count, but it was my twelve-year-old who showed us what Dodge calls the “integrated remote control storage.” His mom and I were stunned: We’d never seen that slot before.
Over the years, there have been moments when my kids have literally taught me something that I didn’t know. Sometimes, it was a lesson about new technology. Other times, it has been an explanation about the meaning of teenage slang. But alongside all the things I’ve learned from my kids, I’ve learned even more about life, about myself, and about what really matters because I’m their dad. Normally, we think about what we’ll teach our children and not what adults can learn from having kids. But here are 5 things parenting teaches you.
1. Doing little things together is important.
Over the last couple of years, my favorite hockey team lost the Stanley Cup Final twice. I expected my kids would be devastated by these losses: They’ve never had the chance to go to championship parades like I did when I was a kid. But I’ve discovered my kids care more about the time we spend together than the result of the game. If I can find time to watch three hours of hockey every other night in April, May, and June, I can certainly carve out time to be with my kids the rest of the year too. When they see me choose to do less work or put down my phone to spend time with them, I’m reinforcing how important it is to spend time with them. Parenting teaches you that kids want time with you, and it doesn’t matter if it’s a big celebration or event. Little moments here and there matter.
2. Plans can change at a moment’s notice.
My kids know that if I’m working, I don’t usually answer the phone, but if it’s an emergency, they should call back right away. When my daughter’s face popped up on the call display a second time in thirty seconds, I knew something was up. She had been in a serious car accident and was about to be taken by ambulance to the hospital to be checked out. It didn’t matter that I was at work and had plans that night: I dropped everything to make sure she was OK. (And thankfully, she has been.) Being a parent has taught me that my plans can change at a moment’s notice, and that’s OK. You’d do anything for your kids.
3. It’s OK if things are messy.
The first time my daughter pushed her muddy boots into the back of my seat, I got upset. The light-gray upholstery showed the boot prints clearly, and I didn’t want them there. I got home and immediately set to work on cleaning them. It took me a while to figure it out, but it really didn’t matter. The back of my car is going to be messy. There are going to be maddening things like holes in the wall of my basement too. These moments of messiness are an important part of kids’ childhoods, which Heartland Health explains shape “children who feel loved, safe, and encouraged to grow in every way possible.” If I want my kids to feel that way, I need to learn to embrace the messes.
4. You can’t control every little thing.
My ten-year-old was working on a school presentation and showed me the PowerPoint she’d prepared. She had spent hours putting it together, using all kinds of different fonts, colors, photos, and transitions. I bit down on my tongue, hard. She wanted to show me what she’d done. But I wanted to rework every slide in the presentation to look the way I would have made them. I’ve never felt such an urge to micromanage anything as I have my kids. I could nitpick them about every action and every decision. But that would make me a huge burden to them. Rather than focusing on all the little things, I need to step back and ask what they really need from me.
5. Your kids can bring out the worst in you.
I’m not proud of how I reacted that night. We’d just had a great time washing the car together when my son decided to turn the pressure washer on a patch of dirt at the bottom of the driveway. Pretty soon, the driveway, the car, and my son were covered in mud, and I got mad. One of the things all of us adults learn from having kids is just how quickly they can make our blood boil. I find this happens especially when I see them making the same kind of bad decisions I made when I was younger. Sadly, the kids usually get more than they deserve when I get upset. As a dad, I need to learn to control my temper. But I also have the chance in these moments to model to my kids what you do when you get something wrong: you own it, you apologize, and you try to do better the next time.
Sound off: What else can adults learn from having kids?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What’s one thing you know that I don’t understand?”