Quarterbacks are very good at reading body language. It’s a big part of playing the sport. We notice little things like hands on hips, defenders who slouch, and receivers with their heads down after a dropped pass. Those little cues tell a story, and that insight is valuable when deciding where to throw the next pass. Body language is information in football, and the same thing is true in your home.
Our body language communicates something to our children. It can tell them whether we’re tired or disinterested, or on the other hand, if we’re engaged and excited about something. Our kids are very good at picking up on what we’re thinking without us ever uttering a word. It matters because you may be saying the right thing, but your body language can suggest something completely different. Do you realize what you’re communicating? Here are 5 things your body language tells your kids.
1. You’re interested.
I’m 6-foot-5, so I’m physically much bigger than my kids. I have to get down on their level and make eye contact. It’s totally worth it because when you’re on your kids’ level, your communication improves, respect is shared, and trust is built. Do you sit on the edge of your seat when watching them compete? Do you focus on them when they’re speaking? Leaning in encompasses all of that, and that body language conveys how much you care about your kids.
What happens when we lean in?
Our kids know they have the floor. They know we’re interested in whatever they have to say or are trying to do. My kids play lacrosse, and I never want them to look up in the bleachers and see me slouched over during the game. If this isn’t natural for you, think about scooting up in your seat a bit. If you’re tempted to scroll Facebook during games or practice, leave your phone in the car. Make it obvious you care. When we lean in, we miss less.
2. You like them.
Researcher Paul Ekman studied facial expressions for decades. He proposed that there are 18 different kinds of smiles. I propose you need to smile at your kids often. Why? They will know that they make you happy. Smile when they try. Smile when they succeed. Smile around them just because. It conveys something powerful—Dad likes being around me. This is different from love. Being liked is a core need for kids.
What happens when we smile?
This body language says, “I’m so pleased with you.” That’s a big deal for kids who usually seek validation from the people they care about most. You are that person for your kid, so think about smiling more. If you have a serious expression, think about the message you’re sending. Look for reasons to crack a smile. It’s a silent signal that your kids are worth recognizing, that they matter to you, and you get happy just being around them. They will feel seen, cared for, and cherished when you smile at them.
3. You’re available.
You’re a dad, which means you carry a lot on your shoulders. Stress. Bills. Work. There’s a ton there. But it’s important for your kids to see relaxed shoulders. Tense shoulders show you’re tight, worried, and possibly unavailable. Relaxed shoulders tell your kids you’re safe, clear-minded, and present. Don’t slouch, but don’t get tense either.
What happens when we relax our shoulders?
You tell them that you’re ready. Relaxed shoulders are a green light for kids. They know they can come right to you. One of the biggest things dads must communicate to their kids is that you want them around, and relaxed shoulders do that without saying anything. Pair that with a soft voice, and you’ve communicated you’re a safe person. Add that smile I mentioned before, and you’ve become very approachable. The more relaxed you are, the more they will want to be around you. Repeating this body language often is how to connect with your child emotionally.
4. You’re inviting.
This is the opposite of raising them. When our arms are crossed, the people around us know it’s not time to cross us. We look defensive, uncomfortable, or even angry. Quite often, crossed arms are paired with a frown. It’s like your body is holding a giant stop sign that doesn’t invite anyone near us. Your kids know this. They’ll feel emotional distance even if you don’t.
What happens when we uncross our arms?
You say to your kids, “My walls are down.” It’s easy to let the stresses of our jobs, relationships, and family affect us, but when that shows up in our body language, the people around us suffer. Do your best to open up your arms. Let people in. Let your kids know they are more important than your distractions. They will know you’re a safe place to be when your body isn’t clenched.
5. You’re focused.
Presence without attention is almost as bad as not being there at all. Our kids need our focus when they have failed, had their heart broken, or can’t explain how they feel. One of the best gifts we can give them in moments like these is eye contact. Stopping what we’re doing and focusing on what they need matters. They usually aren’t looking for profound words to smooth things out. They want our focus more than our advice. Look them in the eyes and connect.
What happens when we make eye contact?
When we pause long enough to lock eyes with our kids, it tells them we want to engage. That’s a big deal. They’ll feel like the most important person in the world in that moment and know they’re worthy of our attention. This is a great way to connect with your child emotionally. It’s very hard to make eye contact while you’re moving. Pause and be present. Fight the urge to look at your phone.
Sound off: What body language do you use most often with your kids?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What do you think is important about body language?”