It was a great night to roast marshmallows, and my five kids were all in. While one was working on the perfect s’more, another lit his marshmallow on fire, and a third chased down a spark that had popped off one of the logs. As I took it all in, I had the sinking realization that there aren’t many of these days left. My oldest daughter is 19, and her brother is a year away from graduation. It won’t be long until someone moves away or brings someone home for these family nights together. Change is coming whether I like it or not, and I don’t want to miss the time we still have.
Older parents often encourage new ones to treasure every moment with young kids, because the time goes quickly. One day, you’re fighting the effects of sleep deprivation with a newborn, and the next day, you’re teaching a teenager how to drive. I’ve finally figured out that those older parents weren’t wrong, so I’m trying to embrace the days I have left while the kids are still here. If you want to be a more present parent, here are 7 moments to treasure with your kids.
1. When You’re Still Sleep Deprived
When we first became parents, we didn’t sleep much. We were up several times a night changing diapers and rocking babies back to sleep. These days, we’re still up late waiting for someone to get home or holding on to a teen whose heart is broken. Savor these moments. That you’re willing to stay up late with your kids–no matter their age–reinforces to them that they are loved and a priority in their parents’ lives.
2. When the Questions Never End
It can feel exhausting when a young kid peppers you with endless questions about how this works or why things are the way they are. Treasure these questions. It’s not only a great way to practice how to be a present parent, but it also reinforces your importance in their lives. In an age when Google and AI are ready to answer all their questions, the very fact that your kid is still talking to you and wants to hear what you have to say is something to savor.
3. When They Make a Mess
I know I could wash my car faster, use less water, and clean it far better than my kids do. But it would be a shame not to let my kids use the pressure washer. The laughter when my son feels the kickback or when my daughter drenches me from behind is something none of us will forget. It’s like that with kids: They make messes. Embrace these. Your walls will be marked up, your lawn covered in toys, but your life is full, and you’ll long for the mess when everything’s clean and efficient.
4. When You Really Start to Lose
Kids adore roughhousing with their dads. It’s a great way for them to measure their strength against us, and we often love the fact that we easily have the upper hand. Treasure those moments and be ready to celebrate the day your kids’ strength and abilities start to surpass yours. What you’re seeing isn’t just a kid who’s coming into his or her own physically, who has mastered Mario Kart, or who just beat you at a card game; you’re watching your child grow into adulthood.
5. When Your Teen Keeps on Calling
My oldest has an hour-long commute to college every day. On her way home most nights, she calls to tell us about what she did, who she talked to, and other random thoughts about her life, including her dreams for the future. Sometimes we just sit quietly while she drives. As dads, we need to welcome these calls whenever they happen. There will be a day soon when she’ll want to call someone else more than she wants to call us.
6. When They Bring You Their Broken Toys
I had no idea that fatherhood would teach me how to fix so many things. Beyond regular household repairs, I’ve glued heads back onto Barbie dolls, rebuilt the trailer hitch on a toy tractor, and found alternative ways of standing up my kids’ indoor hockey nets. It almost doesn’t surprise me anymore when my kid brings me a new challenge. Instead of sighing, I’m trying to take it as a compliment; my kids think I can help them with all sorts of problems. The bonus now, as my kids get older, is that they can often help. This makes fix-it time great dad-kid bonding time. It’s also an easy way to be a more present parent.
7. When They Ask for One More Hug
When my youngest kids would ask us to come back for one more hug at bedtime, I initially thought it was a game to stay up just a little bit longer. Maybe it was, but it’s something that’s continued for several years. The truth is, I really like it, and I don’t want to say no. These are moments to cherish. By always choosing to give them one more hug, I get to reinforce how much I love my kids in a concrete and measurable way.
Sound off: What are some other ways you can practice being a more present parent?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What are your favorite things to do as a family?”