“One day, you’ll realize that your dream died because you chose comfort over effort. Don’t let that regret haunt you forever.”
-Unknown
There are plenty of players whose NFL careers were shorter than they wanted. They signed a big rookie contract or thought they’d proven enough to coast, only to see their roster spot get taken. It’s not because they stopped being talented. It’s because they got comfortable. Comfort kills dreams. I’ve seen it up close.
This applies to everyone, not just high-profile athletes. A desire to seek comfort keeps us from becoming great dads and husbands. It steals from our kids. The best way to push back against getting too comfortable is to embrace discomfort. I know, that doesn’t sound fun. But it’s how we grow. Getting out of your comfort zone as a dad will help you grow into a great leader in your home. If you’re a dad who has gotten comfortable, take this as your wake-up call. Here are 4 reasons you need to step into discomfort.
1. Being too comfortable can make you lazy.
Spending a ton of time sitting on the couch feels good in the short run, but in the long run, it can lead to health problems. Muscles don’t grow strong that way; they grow strong from exertion. The problem is that the longer you sit on the couch, the harder it can become to get up and move. Comfort often leads to a lack of initiative and decreased motivation. Laziness has a way of grabbing hold of you.
Our brains crave comfort because it signals safety. However, relationships are the key to a good and fulfilling life. The deepest and most rewarding ones take effort, risk, and vulnerability. It may be more comfortable for you not to make the effort to spend one-on-one time with your kids. And it’s most certainly more comfortable to avoid awkward or difficult conversations with your kids or your wife. It’s even more comfortable for your body not to have to get on the floor and play with your kids after a long day at work. But these short-term comforts will have long-term costs, resulting in missed opportunities, lost time, and potentially broken relationships.
2. Being too comfortable makes us avoid needed risks.
Comfort will keep us living in the status quo and within the limitations we’ve surrendered to. Taking risks means stepping into a place that’s unsafe. It means reaching for more. That’s the opposite of comfort.
Our families need us to take relational, emotional, and perhaps financial risks to at least some degree. Taking relational risks can build a deeper level of love and trust. For example, apologizing to our kids is a vulnerable act, but it earns so much more with them than being stalwart ever would. Taking emotional risks in our daily lives can also help us grow and mature, and the benefits can go a long way toward strengthening our connections with our families. What if your child breaks down in tears, all his emotions on display? That might feel uncomfortable and awkward to you, but being there for your child will make them want to come to you more often. Lastly, when we invest financially in our kids’ futures, it shows our belief in them. It might mean less money in the bank at that moment, but it will help move your kids forward toward their dreams.
3. Being too comfortable leaves you relying on others.
There’s a fellow All Pro Dad writer who never really got the “sex talk” as a kid. His parents thought the whole subject was awkward, but felt obligated to at least give him a vague overview before the sex-ed lessons began at school. Their conversation lasted about five minutes, just long enough to say they discussed it. The parents took the comfortable route and relied on the teacher to cover the rest. That’s a fail, and we do similar things all the time.
Relying on others to do what’s your responsibility may be more comfortable, but you’re avoiding your duty as a man. I get it. Nobody looks forward to puberty talks, or disciplining kids, or taking care of an aging parent. But your father- and husband-roles are blessings to do well, not burdens to avoid. Get out of your comfort zone and stop passing off the hard parts of marriage and parenting. Don’t choose comfort and leave it to teachers, coaches, or your wife to handle. Teach your kids right from wrong. Don’t leave that to their coach. You can and should handle the uncomfortable things.
4. Being too comfortable lowers the ceiling.
Michael Phelps is the greatest Olympian of all time. He won 28 medals in total, including 23 golds. He didn’t accidentally become great. He swam for six hours a day, six days a week, and stretched for an hour, three days a week. That’s what was required to raise his ceiling as an athlete. He probably could have still won a few medals by training less often, but his ceiling would have been lower; he wouldn’t have been the most decorated athlete alive. So, like Phelps, you have to decide where your ceiling will be.
Embracing comfort is what keeps your ceiling low. Step into discomfort by routinely doing what demands effort. Limit your screen time. Persevere at work so you have time to connect with your kids in the evening. Stop saying, “Because I said so,” when things get tough, and explain your decisions to your kids when it’s appropriate. Take risks to create memorable moments. All of this isn’t easy! But when you raise the standard of what you’re willing to do for your family, you raise your ceiling as a dad. Yes—it may leave you uncomfortable now and then, but it shouldn’t leave you unsatisfied.
Sound off: What is your most vivid memory of your dad giving great effort to make you happy?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What does it mean to feel comfortable?”