Have you ever said any of these classic dad sayings? “Don’t make me turn this car around.” “Put on a sweater if you’re cold.” “I’m not just talking to hear my own voice.” “Money doesn’t grow on trees.” “Don’t spend it all in one place.” “Don’t touch the thermostat.” “Were you raised in a barn?” “Ask your mother.” “Don’t use that tone with me.” “Pull my finger.”
Here are a few classic Southern dad sayings from my home state of Alabama: “Boy, I’m about to tear you out the frame.” “You’d make a better door than a window.” “You’re getting too big for your britches.”
Some of these are funny, and some bring back good memories. But others? They bring back some not-so-happy memories. Some sayings that meant to help you as a kid actually hurt. The same is true for sayings we use with our kids today. Here are 6 dad sayings to lose, and what to say instead. Because as funny dad sayings go, some are harmless, but others can hurt your connection.
1. “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.”
I get it. Sometimes our kids seem over the top with their emotions, and we just want it to stop. But telling kids to stop crying is telling them to stop emotions that are so strong, they are flowing out of their bodies. Don’t try to shut down tears; they need them. Try: “It’s OK to feel sad/frustrated/scared. Tell me what’s going on.”
2. “What’s wrong with you?“
This makes the kid feel like they are the problem, when their behavior is actually the problem. It can sound like our love is tied to their behavior. Try: “That wasn’t like you. Help me understand what happened.”
3. “I’m disappointed in you.”
This can also feel like our love depends on performance. Try to separate your kid from their choice. Try: “I’m disappointed with that choice you made, and I know you can do better.”
4. “What were you thinking?”
Some kids, especially those with ADHD, weren’t thinking. Rewinding can help them think through what happened without shame. Try: “Let’s rewind. What was happening right before _________ .”
5. “You are making me crazy.”
This line can pack on guilt and anxiety. Try: “I’m feeling really frustrated right now. I need a minute, and then we can talk about it.”
6. “Because I said so.”
Parents need to have well-thought-out reasons for why they are doing something. But there are moments when “Because I say so” might be necessary, e.g., for safety or when you have already made it clear. But if it’s our go-to, it teaches obedience through scare tactics. Try focusing on natural consequences: “If you don’t pick up your toys, they’ll be put away for a week.”
Sound off: What is a dad saying you need to lose?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What’s something I say that you wish I wouldn’t?”