I had a great dad. But I also had other men who invested in me. One of them was my Uncle Donnie. He started dating my aunt when I was five, and just let me pal around with him. When he’d come home from work, and I was there, he had this song he’d sing: “Ted David, Ted David, oh where have you been?” My own personal song about being missed, from one of my heroes. I can’t tell you how much I loved that as a kid. Recently, I told him I’d talked about him on the All Pro Dad Podcast. I told him I’d said he always made me feel liked. He said, “I do like you!” Just in case I needed an ounce more convincing.
Our kids already know we love them. The question is, do they feel like we like them? Those are two different things. Love is almost always a given. Like is a gift. Knowing how to show your kids you love them is only half the equation; the other half is making sure they feel liked too. And kids feel both, or the absence of both, more clearly than we realize. Researchers who study attachment have found that when kids feel truly seen and enjoyed by a parent, they develop more confidence, more resilience, and a deeper capacity to trust. Here are 5 ways to show your kids you love and like them.
1. Understand the difference between love and like.
My friend Bobby asked his daughter what she thought the difference was between him loving her and liking her. She said, “When you’re loved, someone spends time with you because they have to. When you’re liked, they want to get to know you better.” She nailed it. But here’s what makes this hard. Kids don’t just experience what we do. They interpret what it means. If all they experience is correction and logistics with a dose of frustration, they start to fill in the blanks.
And the story they tell themselves is usually, I’m not that fun to be around. That’s a big thing for little shoulders. One of the simplest ways to show your kids you love and like them is this: Make sure the time you spend together feels like a choice, not an obligation.
2. Get curious about what they care about.
You want your kids to feel liked? Ask questions you don’t already know the answers to. Step into their world instead of always pulling them into yours. Try a few of these conversation starters at dinner or in the car this week: What was your high and low today? If we had an hour to hang out and do anything we want, what would we do? Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?
That last one has nothing to do with character development. It has everything to do with connection. And sometimes, connection is the whole point. The goal isn’t to extract information. Encouraging words start with encouraging questions. Ask enough questions, and they’ll start believing you actually want to know.
3. Laugh with them.
A study out of the University of Montreal found that for dads specifically, playful interactions that make kids laugh build a stronger bond between father and child. Not just quality time. Not just showing up. Laughter. But you don’t need to go to Canada to know this. We know it intuitively. We gravitate toward people we laugh with. Because we like people we laugh with. Laughter is where the buddy part of your relationship lives with your kid.
And it doesn’t require you to be the funniest guy in the room. It just requires you to show up and find things genuinely funny together. Watch something they think is hilarious. Let them show you a reel. Play a game where somebody is going to lose badly and laugh about it. Feeling funny feels really good to a kid. And perhaps nothing makes them feel more likable.
4. Listen without fixing everything.
Dads are wired to solve problems. We’re like relational Bob the Builders, “Can we fix it? Yes, we can!” That instinct comes from a good place. We see our kids hurting emotionally or physically, and we want to make that better. But when your kid comes to you upset about something you can’t fix, or maybe even something you can, and you shift into fix-it mode, what they often hear is: You are broken. I can fix you. But here’s the truth: Your kid is not a problem to be fixed; they are a person to be loved.
So instead, stop what you’re doing. Look at them. Say, “Talk to me, buddy. What’s going on?” You don’t have to have an answer. Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is make sure they know you hate that they are hurting. Nothing may change in their situation. But they walk away feeling seen. This is a big part of how to show your kids you love them because it tells them they matter more than the problem.
5. Show your kids you like them by saying it out loud.
This is the one most dads skip. We think it, but we don’t say it. And if we don’t say it, they don’t feel it. Tell your kids what you specifically like about them. “I like how your brain works.” “I like how you treat your sister.” “I like that you want a pet pig. We aren’t getting one, but I like that you want one.” (See point three to see why that last part is OK.)
Encouraging words that are specific land differently than general ones. “I love you” is powerful. “I like watching you play” is personal. Your kids need both. I told both my sons when they were in high school, “I would have loved to hang out with you when I was in high school. You probably wouldn’t have loved to hang out with me. But I would with you.” They still remember that. And I still mean it. And my sons, if you are reading this, it hurts when you play golf without me. I would like you better if you did. (See point three to see why that last part is OK.)
Your kids know you love them, but a little like goes a long way. And that’s really what this comes down to: knowing how to show your kids you like them, one small moment at a time.
Sound off: What is one thing your dad did that made you feel like he genuinely liked you?
Huddle up with your kid and ask, “Do you know what I really like about you?”