My entire life has been centered around sports. My dad was a high school coach, and I grew up with a bunch of boys, and none of us wanted to sit still. We were always running, throwing, or kicking something. That active childhood helped me land a walk-on spot with the Clemson Tigers, where I played on two national championship football teams. My dream came true in 2019 when I signed an NFL contract.
Up until about four years ago, I planned on playing in the NFL for 20 years. There was nothing better in life than putting on that pro helmet on a Sunday. But I’m learning that sports aren’t everything. That’s even hard to type for a sports fanatic like me. What changed my perspective? I became a dad. Suddenly, I felt like I was seeing the whole world in new colors. My focus changed. So did my desires. It’s weird because I’m still me, only with a renewed vision for what matters most. Perhaps you’ve had this experience too. Whether you’re hunting for first-time dad advice or you’re a veteran dad with seven kids, I’m sure we can all agree that being a dad changes everything. Here are 4 things I realized after having kids.
1. Kids make you realize what matters.
Life is so precious. This truth hit me harder after my wife, Camilla, and I suffered through two miscarriages. When our first child was born, I felt the weight of the responsibility I was carrying. I was no longer living for just myself. I used to wonder how teammates could say, “Kids change you.” Then I experienced the rush of baby giggles, the sight of them napping, and the joy of a first birthday cake. None of that dampened my love for football, but it just put the game in its proper place. No matter what job you have, position of influence you hold, or obligations you carry, none of those can come before your family. It’s your duty as a man to put them first. As Justin Watson says, we start making mistakes when we get our priorities misaligned.
How do I keep mine in order? I think about my future. What’s going to matter when I’m on my deathbed? I had planned to play professional football until my legs stopped working. But now I’m thinking about how I want my body to feel as my kids grow. I need to be around for them, so I take care of my health by exercising; I take care of my mind by having deep conversations; and I take care of my spirit by focusing on my faith. All dads need to do this. Having kids makes us realize that we’re living for more than just ourselves.
2. Kids make you realize who matters.
I am forever grateful for teammates like Derek Carr and Derek Carrier, who showed me it’s possible to be an amazing player and dad simultaneously. Yes, there’s a lot riding on my performance. Winning matters, but I can’t give teammates more effort than I give my wife and kids. I’ve played with over 400 different teammates. Some for years. Others for a few days. Most I’ll never see again, but my family is forever. I know they expect much more from me than my franchise does. When men give coworkers, friends, or bosses more attention and effort than they give their wives and kids, those intimate relationships begin to unravel. Coach Tony Dungy has spoken about this a lot. Looking for first-time dad advice? Understand that we are replaceable at work, but never at home.
Balancing it is hard, but remembering to lean toward family keeps you focused on who matters most. Instead of more emails at night, do the bedtime story. Go for the walks. Do the park days. Your kids need you and want to spend time with you. When you remember how much they matter and act upon it, they feel safe and seen.
3. Kids make you realize time matters.
I remember welcoming our first of three daughters into the world. It felt like yesterday, and now she’s heading off to kindergarten this fall. Where did the time go? Everything changes quickly when you’re a dad. It’s very different from the NFL rhythm, where it’s easier to focus on one opponent at a time. There is no week-to-week with kids. Every day is the Super Bowl. Everything is big to them, so it has to be big to you.
So, we maximize our time. We’re considering homeschooling our daughters so we can up the hours we spend together. My job demands a lot of my time practicing, traveling, and playing games on weekends. It makes me see how limited our time can be. Do what gives you the most time with your kids. Do the Saturday picnics, the tea parties, the slip-N-slides, and catch a million fireflies.
4. Kids make you realize today matters.
After signing with the Raiders, I found out I had an autoimmune disease. It’s called ulcerative colitis, and it wipes out your energy. There were days when I couldn’t run a five-yard route in practice without feeling gassed. It was frustrating. But then I’d go home, see my kids, and realize that fighting through discomfort is part of being a good dad. They need my attention, time, and devotion. I don’t get another chance to redo today.
That doesn’t excuse my health battle. It’s real, but my kids still need me. I’ve got to figure out a way to make today count despite my weariness. All dads deal with something challenging. Are you stressed? Most guys are. Overworked? That’s highly likely. We face pressure, but mine made me realize that I can’t take today for granted. My kids have needs today. If they go unmet, where are they going to go to fill them? If I’m too tired to play, will they ask me again tomorrow? If I don’t make a big deal about their art, will they draw me another picture? Today matters. Every part of it. As challenging as today is, know that showing up for your kids will always be the right move, even if it’s hard.
Sound off: What is your biggest challenge in giving your family your best instead of your leftovers?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What does it mean to have priorities?”