7 Ways to Help Your Teens Know What’s True

We were driving along, and my daughter said, without lifting her head up from her phone, “Hey Dad, did you hear about (insert controversial thing)?” I hadn’t heard, and frankly, her facts sounded a bit sketchy. “Where did you learn about that?” I asked. “TikTok,” was the reply. Your teen gets information from many sources: news outlets, social media, chatbots, celebrities, friends, you; the list goes on and on. And often this information is contradictory. It’s easy to wonder if knowing what’s true is even possible anymore.

The answer is “yes,” but it’s increasingly difficult. And your teen needs your help, even though she may not want it. Here are 7 ways to help your teens know what’s true.

1. Be open about what you believe.

While it’s true that peers heavily influence teens, research shows that their parents remain the primary influence. So don’t sell yourself short! Spend time sharing what you believe to be true and important with your teens. Talk to them about matters that you think are important. But don’t just give them information. Help them learn to think critically. When my teens state something that I disagree with, I try hard not to be defensive, but instead begin by probing: “Tell me why you think that. Where did you learn that from? Have you considered these questions (and then share some questions I might have)?” I’ll then try to explain why I disagree, while also being honest about the questions I still have.

While you can’t make them agree with you, you can certainly help your teens understand the way you look at the world and why. You can also model humility even as you hold views with conviction.

2. Learn together.

It’s not just teens who need help understanding what is true. We all do. So why not learn together? Share helpful podcasts, books, articles, or YouTube videos with your teen. Watch or listen to the news together. But rather than offering your opinion right away, ask your teen some thought-provoking questions: “What’s something you heard that you really resonated with and why? What’s something that you disagree with or even makes you angry? Why?” Or “Did you learn anything new? What did you like/dislike about how that information was presented and why?”

Talk through what he’s learning and be honest about what you’re learning too.

3. Expose them to different perspectives.

This is a tricky one because, of course, you think your perspective is the best one. That’s why critical thinking skills for teenagers are so important. The goal isn’t to get your teen to agree with you on everything, but to learn to think for herself and discern what’s true. After all, you’re probably wrong about some things; you just don’t know which things, or else you’d change your mind. So instead of shooting down your teen’s ideas, be willing to listen to their source material (watch the TikTok video, listen to the podcast), then talk with them about what you learned and be honest about where you disagree. Then share information on the same subject from a source that you find helpful and engage with them about it.

It’s better for your teen to learn to think critically and research a variety of sources than to simply agree with you. That way, maybe someday she’ll actually be able to correct you when you need it!

4. Acknowledge bias.

I’m a Christian, so I often find myself telling my kids, “I think this way because of what Jesus or Scripture says about this topic.” The idea isn’t to leverage that as authority so much as to practice transparency. It’s critical for teens to learn that everyone has a bias. That’s not a problem. The only problem is when we pretend like we don’t. And of course, it’s not just people who have biases; chatbots do as well.

Modeling authenticity and honesty in your bias normalizes it for your teen.

5. Model humility.

Again, we are all wrong about some things. Probably a lot of things. This should press us into humility. Share what you think, but always do so humbly. When you say what you think, clarify “From where I sit, it seems like…” or “In my opinion….” It’s a small shift, but it makes it obvious that you know you’re sharing a perspective. And have the courage to occasionally say to your teen, “That’s a good point. Honestly, I’ve never thought about it like that. Tell me more.”

It’s hard to be defensive when the person you disagree with is humble. This creates a much better flow of information, one less bogged down in attempts to shut down the opposition, and more open to genuine dialogue.

6. Put the work in.

Before you introduce your teen to new sources, make sure you do the work to know these sources are reliable. Do some research on the source. Is the author credible? What’s his or her background? Is the company (media outlet, publisher) generally biased in a particular direction? Is there a lot of hyperbole and fear used to motivate, or is it fairly reasoned and factual? When you put in the work, you demonstrate how to hone your critical thinking skills.

Remember: Don’t just share sources with your teen that back up your beliefs if you haven’t vetted them. If you do and the sources prove shaky, it’ll begin to raise questions in your teen’s mind about whether he can trust you as a source of information.

7. Ask questions.

There is no greater tool for growing teenagers’ critical thinking skills than learning to ask good questions. The best way for your teen to learn this is for you to ask good questions of him! When he comes to you with an idea you think is crazy, don’t dismiss it immediately; ask questions. Find out where he learned it, what is attractive to him about it, or whether or not he’s done any research.

Model thoughtfulness and curiosity rather than immediate acceptance or rejection based on your current beliefs.

Sound off: What are other ways you can help teach critical thinking skills to teenagers?