Teaching kids respect can be a challenge for any parent, including my daughter and son-in-law. They’ve blessed us with two grandchildren. The older, a boy, has hit the terrible twos, and his favorite word is “NO.” As new parents, they’re trying their best to teach him to respect them and other authority figures. He is just a toddler, but they don’t want this disrespectful behavior to continue. Is it just a phase—something he will grow out of—or should they be concerned?
Like them, all of us have to learn how to teach respect to our kids. When you see signs your child doesn’t respect you or other authority figures, it’s time to step in. Here are 5 ways to teach your children to respect authority.
1. Model it yourself.
The best way to teach kids respect authority is to respect authority well yourself. When you’ve been speeding, how do you act when the flashing lights come on behind you? How does your demeanor change when you interact with the officer who comes to the window? How do you behave after you receive the citation or warning? Your children are taking in how you respect authority, and they will most likely follow the example you set. We need to set the example we want them to emulate.
2. Discipline your kids when they’re disrespectful.
This needs to be age-appropriate. A simple “We don’t talk like that” will work for a toddler. As kids become more mature, so will the consequences. Sitting in time-out, missing dessert, and going to bed early work well for grade-school-age kids. Once they’re in double-digits, they have to be held more accountable. When my daughter disrespected an adult at an event we attended, I had her apologize to that adult immediately. She did, and my daughter also asked for forgiveness. Our children have to know there are consequences when you disrespect authority.
3. Reinforce respectful behavior.
I frequent a certain gas station with my boys. I went in alone once, and the clerk asked where my son youngest son was. She said, “I just adore him; he’s so respectful and polite.” As I shared this with him, a wide smile came across his face, and the compliment gave him affirmation. We do well with discipline, but we need to do just as well with reinforcing respectful behavior. When we reinforce our children’s respect for authority, it gives them incentive to continue doing so.
4. Enforce good manners.
From a young age, we have taught our children to use good manners—to look the person in the eyes as they greet adults with a handshake, to use sir or ma’am, showing respect for authority. Enforce please and thank you, but also encourage sincerity to show appreciation. Our children ought to display good manners now and especially when they are addressing a person in a position of authority.
5. Focus on the position, not the personality.
Nobody’s perfect, and none of us likes everyone, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t respect everyone. If your kid doesn’t like an authority figure’s feedback or personality, your kid needs to learn to focus on the position, not the personality. You don’t have to get along with your principal, a police officer, or a TSA agent, or be happy about the instruction they are giving you. But they have the right to give you reasonable instructions. Respect looks like heeding it.
Sound off: What other strategies have you used to teach kids to respect others?
