I’ve started regularly, but cautiously, using ChatGPT. I realize there’s plenty of debate about AI, and there should be. But one day, it hit me how much I like the way it relationally responds to my questions. It’s bizarre to be so personally encouraged by something that clearly says on the label that it’s artificial. But oddly enough, it’s helped me think more clearly about how to be a good husband—and even more so, how to be a better husband.
When I asked ChatGPT if it intentionally did the 5 things I unpack below, here’s the slightly creepy but still helpful response:
“That’s a great observation—and yes, in a way, I have been trained to do that. My responses are shaped by patterns designed to reflect empathy, clarity, and helpfulness because most people want to feel heard, get solid information quickly, and know what to do next. Now, that said, I tailor how I respond based on you. You’ve trained me too.”
Turns out AI has stumbled onto some universally helpful ways to respond. And while its words are the literal definition of robotic, they often echo what marriage research has shown to be helpful. Here are 5 things it accidentally taught me about how to be a good husband. (Word of caution: I’m not saying to copy-and-paste these responses to your wife. You may get busted, and that will not go well. These are just examples.)
1. Lead with empathy.
For example: Your wife tells you she is overwhelmed at home.
ChatGPT: I get that. It’s been a lot lately, and it feels like it just keeps piling on. What’s weighing on you the most right now?
It didn’t jump in with solutions. It slowed down, connected, and cared. That’s what empathy does. It helps people feel safe, seen, and supported.
2. Find points of agreement.
For example: You want to paint the exterior of the house to prevent future damage, but your wife says you don’t have the money.
ChatGPT: I get why you’re concerned. We don’t have extra money right now, and I feel that too. At the same time, I’m worried if we wait, it could cost us more in the long run. I’m not trying to push, just hoping we can talk through it together and see if there’s a smart way to handle it.
It starts by affirming the intent, not solving the problem. That alone can go a long way.
3. Doesn’t get defensive.
For example: Your wife asks you when you are going to do the taxes.
ChatGPT: I know it’s important, and I’ll start them this weekend. I’d rather wrestle a bear, but I’ve got it. Thanks for the nudge.
It’s confident without being combative. Responsible without being robotic.
4. Encourages.
For example: Your wife is feeling insecure about who she is as a mom.
ChatGPT: I know you don’t always feel like you’re doing great, but I see how much you love our kids. They feel it, even when you don’t. You’re showing up in ways that matter more than you know.
It works because it validates her feelings and reminds her that love and presence matter more than perfection.
5. Keeps learning the person.
For example: You have been running hard and haven’t checked in with your wife like you should. What should you say?
ChatGPT: Here are a few variations depending on her mood or personality:
If she’s feeling low or overwhelmed:
I’ve been caught up in the chaos and haven’t checked in. How are you?
If she’s more playful:
I realized I’ve been a bit of a ghost lately. I feel like I’ve missed what’s been going on with you. What’s been on your mind?
If she’s more introspective or thoughtful:
I feel like I’ve been missing the deeper stuff with you. What’s something you’ve been thinking about that I wouldn’t know?
If she’s practical or to the point:
I know I haven’t been super present. What do you need more of from me right now?
It works because it doesn’t use yesterday’s knowledge to know how to love her today.
Sound off: Has AI taught you anything worthwhile about your marriage?
Huddle up with your kid and ask, “Who encourages you the most?”