Benjamin Watson: 5 Ways to Cope With Your Child Growing Up

Parallel parking is hard. During my driver’s test, I hit an orange cone and failed. My first attempt at getting my license didn’t go too well, but I eventually figured it out. Flash forward to today, and it’s déjà vu. Our oldest child earned her driver’s license. Not much prepares you for seeing your little girl pull out of the driveway for the first time. It was both a proud dad moment and a scary one, too.

But I can’t just hide the car keys and lock her in her room. We had to adapt. I don’t know if I’ve ever watched anything more closely than I’m watching this Life360 app right now. When your firstborn is driving by herself, it hits different. This has been a bit of a transition, but change isn’t bad. It’s just an opportunity to parent with a looser grip. When you’re faced with a new season of parenting, don’t freak out. Here are 5 ways to cope with your child growing up.

1. Be proactive.

We did the driving lessons. We practiced for hours. We did everything we could do to prepare our daughter for the road. It’s out of our hands now. Or is it? Don’t release your kids into the world and never check back in. Being proactive means staying involved during each new stage. Ask questions, like, “How was driving today? Did you have fun? Did anything give you trouble?” Stay engaged, even as your kids start to grow out of your grip.

2. Trust yourself.

We can easily beat ourselves up with would-have, should-have, could-haves. But trust that you’ve done your part. Parenting is about setting a foundation and watching your kids build on it from there. They are the ones who are going to learn by doing. They are the ones who will accumulate life lessons through experiences. That’s good, because you can’t hold their hands forever. Trust that you’ve done your part that led up to a new phase of life and sit back as they grow from there.

3. Fight the urge to rescue them.

When they do stumble, try not to rush in. We learn a lot from mistakes, and kids are going to make a lot of them when they are venturing into something new. If my daughter’s late for something because she forgot to fill up the gas tank, that’s on her. I can’t be running out and checking the car gauge at night to make sure she’s all set for the next morning. Part of becoming a responsible young person is understanding that you are accountable for your words, actions, and schedule.

4. Ask friends how they’re handling change.

You may have friends who are also trying to figure out how to cope with their child growing up. They may be dealing with their own teenage driver. Or maybe something like travel sports, dating, or discipline is challenging them as a parent. You can find common ground with the people around you and support each other. It’s stressful walking through new parts of parenting. Don’t be afraid to call up a couple of buddies and ask how they’re doing, because they may be wondering the same thing about you.

5. Remind yourself you’re loved.

That little girl isn’t sitting on my lap anymore and asking for bedtime stories. But just because she’s growing up doesn’t mean she loves me any less. It’s different, and that’s good. As much as we’d love for them all to stay little, they must grow up and flourish on their own. Each new phase shapes you both. Remember that, because that’s how to cope with your child growing up.

Sound off: Which emotion seems to trouble you most as a dad?