When I was newly married, everything was an adventure. Going shopping for home décor, finding a new restaurant for date nights, or simply cuddling on the couch while watching a celebrity cooking show. All of it feels new and exciting. When we had our first child, though, my wife and I began growing apart as we tried adapting to becoming new parents. I was set in my way of “going with the flow” and figuring out parenting, while my wife needed structure. I learn by doing, so I started figuring out ways to manage the baby and the household on my own. I started leaving my wife out of the process because I gave in to the temptation to believe I could handle it all on my own. This created a rift in our marriage. I had to learn to notice my wife’s needs in her role as a new mother. My ego needed to take a back seat.
We’ll all be tempted throughout our marriages to do things that are going to hurt our wives or our relationships with them. Learning how to deal with temptation in marriage is difficult at times, but it can become a virtue. Here are 3 temptations worth resisting if you want your marriage to thrive.
1. Comparing Your Marriage to Other Marriages
Have you ever scrolled through social media and wondered why your house doesn’t look as clean as your friend’s? Or maybe why your wife doesn’t dress up and surprise you for your birthday like some of these celebrity wives do? What you see of other relationships is usually just the highlight reel, not the behind-the-scenes reality. Every couple faces unique challenges based on their personalities, circumstances, and history together.
When you compare your marriage to others, you’re not gaining helpful insights—you’re planting seeds of resentment. Instead, focus on what works in your relationship. What made you choose each other? What qualities do you admire in your spouse that others might not even notice? These questions lead to gratitude rather than dissatisfaction.
2. Thinking of Ultimatums
“If you don’t support me in this, I am walking out the door!” My wife and I call ultimatums “old tomatoes,” befittingly named by our daughter, who was really good at announcing them but not pronouncing them. Ultimatums might feel powerful in the moment, but they rarely lead to genuine change or understanding. They’re usually born when emotions are running high—what some call “emotional flooding”—when our thinking brain takes a backseat to our feeling brain.
Decisions made during these heated moments often need to be walked back later, damaging trust in the process. I have used them in the worst moments that always backfire, like when driving 90 on a highway during a 10-hour family road trip. Instead of ultimatums, try setting boundaries with “I” statements that express your needs without threatening the relationship itself. “I need more support with the kids to feel like we’re parenting as a team.” “I need one weekend a month just for us to reconnect.” This approach invites problem-solving rather than defensive reactions.
3. Holding a Scorecard
Look, it’s tempting to mentally tally who did what chores, who made which sacrifices, or who apologized last. “I did the dishes four times this week, and you only did them once.” Scorekeeping transforms your marriage into a competition where both people ultimately lose. It creates a transactional relationship rather than one built on mutual care and generosity.
Switch mindsets and think “we’re in this together.” When you both contribute according to your abilities and circumstances, the relationship will feel balanced without needing to count every contribution. Marriage isn’t about fairness—it’s about faithfulness. Not just staying together, but staying committed to seeing the best in each other, working through challenges together, and choosing to love even when it’s difficult.
Sound off: Do you know how to deal with temptation in marriage? What temptations do most men face in marriage today?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What does it mean to resist temptation?”