“I wish I would have…” Those are the words I’ve heard often from older parents when I’ve asked them this one question: “If you could go back and change anything, what would you do differently?” Turns out, lots of us have parenting regrets.
Surprisingly, their answers almost always have to do with priorities and investments in their kids. Here are 4 regrets parents often have that you can learn from and avoid.
1. “I wish I would have spent more time with my kids…”
When your children are young, it’s true that the days go by slow, but the years go by fast. Childhood is a memory-making season of life that you never get back. Work less. Vacation more. Attend those sporting events. Play in the snow even though it’s cold. Fill your child’s memory bank with the gift of your time.
2. “I wish I would have controlled my tone…”
You may forget angry things you say in the heat of the moment, but it’s likely that your kids won’t. Anger can lead to a harsh tone that can leave lifelong scars on a child’s heart. When you find yourself in the heat of the moment, take time to respond rather than react. Say less, not more. And always keep your tone in check through intentional self-awareness.
3. “I wish I would have hugged them and told them I love them more often…”
According to family therapist Virginia Satir, “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” Most parents don’t have to worry about hugging their child too much or saying “I love you” too many times. However, many parents years from now will wish they could go back to when their kids were little and do it more often.
4. “I wish I would have prioritized them over other or lesser things…”
The most important things in life aren’t things, yet we spend so much of our time and focus on the lesser things of life—money, career, television, hobbies… While the most important things in life—spouses, children, and emotional, physical, and relational well-being—often take a backseat when they should be our priorities. A great priority-shaping question to ask yourself is this: “What can I give up now while my kids are still kids, that I can always do later?”
Which of these parenting regrets hits closest to home that you could give extra attention to?
For a deeper discussion about this subject, check out this All Pro Dad podcast episode.
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What is one thing you would like me to do more often for you or with you?”