My co-hosts and I just recorded our 95th episode of the All Pro Dad Podcast. We want each episode to be relevant and give dads go-and-dos they can actually pull off in the real world. We are not interested in piling on more impossible advice or making us all feel like we are falling short. Instead, we want to share tools and ideas that make sense when you are coaching Little League, talking at the dinner table, or tucking your kids in at night.
Along the way, my co-hosts and the research we have dug into have opened my eyes to things I never would have known on my own. These things are having a huge impact on our kids, and I wanted you to be aware of them too. Here are 7 hidden influences on today’s kids and what we can do about them.
1. The Manosphere
Our kids are looking for identity and their sense of power and influence in the world. The unhealthy parts of the manosphere give boys all three in the worst way. Boys are taught that girls and women cannot be trusted, that their value is mostly in how they look, and that relationships are about controlling them. This is one of the biggest subconscious influences on kids today, shaping ideas about gender and fueling toxic masculinity. As awful as the manosphere sounds, it is wildly popular, and many boys are drawn to it. Over time, those ideas can warp how our sons see women, how they treat them, and what they believe a real man should look like.
Bottom Line: We can replace those lies about women with truths that women deserve respect and honor.
2. The Unknown World of Women
On the APD Podcast episode “How Do We Teach Our Sons to Respect Women,” our female producer kindly opened our eyes to a couple of things. One was that women are constantly monitoring their safety. For example, many women think twice before walking alone at night, keep their keys in hand in parking lots, and notice if someone is following too closely on the sidewalk. These are things most men rarely consider, but they are part of a woman’s everyday reality. It had never occurred to me how the size and strength advantage of men impacts the emotional world of a woman. We can help our sons understand these realities so they grow into men who are safe, trusted, and kind. And we need to teach our daughters how to stay safe. Pepper spray is a smart stocking stuffer for your daughter when she starts driving.
Bottom Line: Help your son see the world through a woman’s eyes, and help your daughter stay safe in that world.
3. The Right Kind of Affirmation
We have mentioned in more episodes than I can count the importance of affirming our kids’ character versus their performance. In our performance-oriented world, it is easy to see why we look for chances to affirm our kids’ achievements. “You were the best baseball player on the team today” vs. “I love watching you play.” “Great job getting all A’s” vs. “I love how you work hard at school and still make time for your friends.” When we focus more on who they are than what they achieve, we help them grow a deep sense that they are enough.
Bottom Line: Affirm who your kids are, not just what they do.
4. The Amount and Impact of Screen Time
Parents and kids are on their devices a lot, and not just for work or school. One study says the average American spends over five hours a day on screens for things like entertainment, social media, or gaming, and that does not even include work. That is a lot of time with our eyes on a device instead of on each other. The impact screens are having on our families is profound, and it can be another subconscious influence on kids that changes how they connect with the people around them. We can set healthy limits so our kids remember that the best connections still happen face-to-face.
Bottom Line: Put down the screens so your kids see the best connections happen face-to-face.
5. The Pressure Our Kids Feel
Our kids feel pressures we never did. School, sports, friendships, and the constant buzz of social media can make every day feel like a competition they have to win. On top of that, they are soaking in a steady stream of news, trends, and opinions that can make the world feel like simply too much. It is a lot for a young mind and heart to process. As parents, we cannot remove all that weight, but we can make sure home is the place where they can set it down and just be.
Bottom Line: Make home a place where your kids don’t have to prove anything.
Sound Off: Which of these hidden influences do you see impacting your kids the most?
Huddle with your kid and ask, “What’s the toughest thing you deal with all day?”