For most of us, it would be hard to imagine living our life without a schedule. Never knowing when to go to work, what time to take the kids to school, or having set times of the day when we eat or attend certain events. Imagine letting all of those things just happen whenever you decide to get around to it. Do you think that kind of life would be very successful or sustainable for very long? The answer is pretty obvious. We schedule nearly everything in our lives and with good reason—because those things are important enough to us to make sure that they happen consistently. Why? Because they are things that matter to the success of our family, our finances, and our children’s education, etc. So what about the success of our marriage?
One of the key areas of success for any marriage is a healthy sex life. Yet why do so many couples look at being intimate so very differently and find scheduling sex to be such a foreign concept? Up until about a year ago, the idea of scheduling sex was just that—a foreign concept in our marriage. But from the time I heard it explained, it made complete sense. Not only that, after trying it in our own marriage, I can honestly say that it has been a positive improvement in our relationship that I wish we’d have considered years ago. Here are some of the practical benefits we’ve found of scheduling sex in our marriage.
1. Removes the Risk
All of us struggle from time to time with the fear to initiate or more so the fear of rejection when we initiate. Scheduling sex allows for both spouses to be on the same page in advance so that when initiation takes place, intimacy follows. Score.
2. Amplifies the Anticipation
There’s no reason to hold back your thoughts, feelings, and fantasies about your wife when you have sex scheduled on the calendar. For the spouse with the higher sex drive, anticipation is a huge factor, especially when you get to anticipate something that you know is sure to happen. Naturally, you anticipate it that much more when you know it’s coming, versus just hoping it will happen. For the spouse with the lower sex drive, this also allows them time to mentally prepare themselves in advance, so that they are anticipating times of intimacy as well.
3. Feeds the Foreplay
When sex is scheduled, you can more easily get frisky and physical throughout the day as you use daytime to prepare each other for playtime.Foreplay can play such a huge role in the success of sexual intimacy. When sex is scheduled, you can more easily get frisky and physical throughout the day as you use daytime to prepare each other for playtime.
4. Powers the Pleasure
When you are intentional in advance about your sexual intimacy, sex becomes more than just a few minutes-act in the bedroom; it actually becomes a pleasurable process as a lifestyle of becoming intentionally closer to your spouse. And naturally, this begins to affect your relationship in many positive ways outside of the bedroom as well.
While not all sex should be scheduled (because there’s also a wonderful treasure in spontaneity), some of it should be. Take it from a couple who’s been on both sides of the fence.
Huddle up with your wife and ask, “Would you be willing to discuss the idea of scheduling sex?”