3 Types of Silence Every Dad Should Avoid

As a guy who can occasionally forget to think before he speaks, I’ve learned that sometimes, silence is golden with my kids. Silence can keep me from saying things I later regret and give me time to think through a better response. And yes, some dads can be the strong, quiet type all around. But sometimes there are silences that cause a weaker connection.

Sometimes we are zoned out. Sometimes we are overwhelmed. And sometimes, we are unsure how to engage. But silence at the wrong time is saying a lot, even when we do not mean it to. Silence at the wrong time in the wrong ways hurts our family engagement and connection. Here are 3 types of silence every dad should avoid.

1. Distraction

I once saw a dad in the airport talking to his kid on FaceTime using his wife’s phone, while scrolling on his own. That might seem extreme, but most of us can relate. We are in the room or at the airport, but not really spending time with our family. It might be work emails, or a quick phone scroll that turns into a long one. The result is the same. Disconnection. Over time, it can make kids feel unimportant. The fix is to set boundaries with yourself. Put the phone down. Make eye contact. Echo back what your kids say to show you are listening. The right kind of attention is one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids. Breaking the silence that comes with distraction reminds your kids that they have your full attention, and that is one of the greatest gifts we can give them.

2. Dumbfoundedness

Is dumbfoundedness even a word? If not, it should be, because most dads have been there. There are moments when your child asks something unexpected or shares something emotional, and you freeze. You do not know what to say, so you say nothing. It is not a lack of love. It is a lack of language. But that kind of stunned silence can say more than you intend. But I get it—expressing emotions or navigating big conversations can feel awkward. But kids do not need perfection; they need presence. Saying “I don’t know” or “That is a great question—let’s figure it out” models humility and keeps family engagement strong.

3. Disengagement

This is the one to avoid at all costs. The disengaged dad might do the basics like meals, chores, and transportation, but he is not emotionally present. He skips hard conversations, misses moments to play, and avoids anything deep. The silence of disengagement tells kids, “You are on your own.” Over time, that distance can last well into adulthood, leaving a child wondering if their dad ever truly knew them. The way back is to start reengaging, one small conversation, question, or moment at a time. It is never too late to show up.

The Bottom Line

Silence has its place, but it always says something. It can say, “I am with you,” or it can say, “I am not really here.”  Whether your silence comes from distraction, dumbfoundedness, or disengagement, the next step is the same. Choose to show up. Let your kids see you through your body language, eye contact, laughter, and attentiveness. The more you show up in those ways, the more likely your kids will grow up to say, “I always felt like my Dad really got me.”

Sound off: Which silence shows up for you the most: distraction, dumbfoundedness, or disengagement?