Captivating author Stasi Eldredge writes about a woman’s deepest need: “Little girls want to know, Am I lovely? The twirling skirts, the dress up, the longing to be pretty and to be seen – that is what that’s all about. They are seeking an answer to their question. When I was a girl of maybe five years old, I remember standing on top of the coffee table in my grandparents’ living room and singing my heart out. I wanted to capture attention – especially my father’s attention. I wanted to be captivating. We all did. But for most of us, the answer to our question when we were young was ‘No, there is nothing captivating about you. Get off the coffee table!'”
“Nearly all a woman does in her adult life is fueled by her longing to be delighted in, her longing to be beautiful, to be irreplaceable, to have her question answered, ‘Yes! You are lovely.’ And down in the depths of our hearts, our question remains. Unanswered. ‘Am I lovely? Do you see me? Do you want to see me? Are you captivated by what you find in me?’ We live haunted by that question.'”
Truth be told, most of our wives want to know that they are lovely… that they captivate their husbands. So here are 10 ways to meet that deepest need of hers:
Begin with an “I love you” campaign: Women who are taken for granted pretty much lose their capacity to captivate. If you have to, keep a running count – find at least ten ways to say, “I love you” each and every day.
Say it with flowers: Don’t break the bank, but a rose a day for a week, without comment, will get the message across.
Believe it: If you don’t believe your wife is captivating then she certainly won’t buy it either. That’s why we’re recommending these practical steps. Act like she’s captivating and – believe it – she will be.
Listen: Nothing says, “I’m captivated by you” more than undivided attention. If you say “I love you,” hand over a red rose… but then turn on the game you’re not fooling anyone – least of all your lovely wife.
Stalk her a little: Show up at her job and say, “I can’t stay away from you a whole day.” Arrive home early – use the same line. Let her find you leaning on the hood of her car when she comes out of the grocery store, or the hairdressers – use the same line again.
Say it with cards: Head over to Hallmark, buy a pack of note cards or “I love you” cards. Write, “I can’t get enough of you” in each one, along with a unique observation (“I think it’s your bright eyes”… “Just to watch you walk”… “Have I ever told you how much I love to hold your hand”…) on each card. Then leave her one, easy to find, each day for a week.
Rearrange your schedule around her for a few days: Ask her what she’d enjoy doing this weekend, or tomorrow evening, or next week. Then move heaven and earth to make it happen.
Confess: Tell her “nothing entrances me like spending time with you.” If you’ve been doing #s 1-7 then she’ll believe you. If you haven’t demonstrated the truth of it first, then all you’ll accomplish is meaningless flattery.
Enjoy her: You can give all the flowers you want, write epic love poems and stare at her till the cows come home… but if you look bored or disinterested or unconvincing then she’ll know you’re making it up and it’s going to hurt. So actually be captivated and she’ll be captivating.
Tell her you can’t stop thinking about her: Yeah, she’ll want details. So come in from work and tell her she was in your mind all day and all the way home. Then make sure you have something to share about that.
Huddle Up Question
Huddle up with your wife tonight and say: You are captivating to me because …