5 Ways to Give Hope to a Discouraged Teen

As a dad, you have lots of roles: coach, sage, dishwasher, joke-teller, chauffeur… But chief among them may be one you’ve not considered: hope-bringer. What do I mean? Well it’s easy for your teen to get discouraged. Whether it’s disappointment at school, relationship drama, existential angst around global affairs, political tension, when teens lose hope and instead choose discouragement, cynicism or even despair, there are lots of reasons for it. And it’s common. In fact, according a 2021 study the Center for Disease Control, 44% of teen respondents reported “persistent feelings of sadness and hopelessness.”

And maybe you’re almost as cynical as your teen is. But your teen needs you to be the one who helps her stay rooted in hope when everything around her tries to bring her down. When teens lose hope, they need their dad to remind them there is more to the story. Here are 5 ways to give hope to a discouraged teen.

1. Listen.

One of the best ways to offer hope to your teen is to help her know she’s not alone. And you can do this by simply listening. Maybe you think she’s being ridiculous or emotional. Don’t tell her that. Instead, listen. Ask questions. Assure her that you take her seriously, even if you don’t interpret everything the same way. Don’t be quick to tell her “how the world actually works.” You may get there. But make sure she feels heard and seen before offering information. When teens lose hope, one way to turn the tide is simply listening.

2. Tell a story.

Another way to communicate teens that they aren’t alone is by telling a story. When in your life have you struggled with hopelessness or cynicism or discouragement? You don’t have to have had the same experience as your teen, but you’ve certainly encountered similar emotions, even if they weren’t as extreme. Share a time with your teen when you were discouraged. What was hard for you? What helped? When teens lose hope, they need to know you’ve felt the same, and yet, you made it through.

3. Expand their vision.

Often, our teens get discouraged because they can’t see beyond their own small vision of the world. But there are always different ways to see things. What gives you hope and why? Is it faith? Is it your experience? Share it with your teen. Take time to pray together. Share a favorite passage of scripture or perhaps a book that inspires you. Share quotes from people you admire or music that makes you hopeful. When teens lose hope, they need your help expanding their vision.

4. Phone a friend.

Sometimes you need to call in reinforcements. I remember one time my son was struggling. My wife and I had both spent time encouraging him. It was helpful, but we felt like he needed more. We reached out to his youth leader and asked if he would take him out for milkshakes. He happily did. It didn’t solve everything, but it certainly helped my son feel like he had a crew in his corner. Who do you know who loves your teen? When teens lose hope, they need to know they’ve got people rooting for them.

5. Do something.

Hopelessness and paralysis seem to go hand in hand. When teens are hopeless, it’s hard for them to know what to do next. Sometimes navigating hopelessness with your teen means helping him choose to just do something. Maybe it’s going for a car ride or a walk with you. Perhaps he could serve someone in need or do something kind for a neighbor. Doing something can remind your teen he has agency. He’s not simply a victim of his emotions; teens can choose to do something that inspires and encourages themselves and others. When teens lose hope, sometimes they need your help to just do something.

Sound off: What’s the hardest part about trying to help a discouraged teenager?