“It’s too bad it’s a 2013,” my friend Russell commented as he looked at my family van. When I asked why, he pointed to a couple of small spots on the hood where the paint had started to bubble. “These vans weren’t painted properly and had big issues with rust.” Sure enough, within a couple years, some of those small imperfections grew into much bigger issues with the body of my van.
Much like the rust bubbled under the paint of my van, there are certain things men do that can wreck a marriage from the inside out. They can seem small and almost inconsequential, but left alone they grow into something more serious. Here are 6 things husbands do to destroy marriage.
He won’t tell his wife he’s sorry.
No one likes to admit to being wrong. It’s humbling and humiliating. But every man has times when he messes something up. He knows it, and his wife knows it, too. A man who’s not willing to ask for forgiveness is a man who isn’t willing to take responsibility for his action. Over time, this will do lasting harm to his relationship with his wife. Fight this by being the man who willingly and regularly apologizes when you do something wrong.
He keeps secrets from his wife.
Trust is a basic requirement for a healthy marriage. When couples trust each other, they aren’t afraid to share what’s really going on in their lives. When they don’t trust each other, trouble soon follows. A man who keeps secrets from his wife, like what he does with money or what he’s really feeling, is sabotaging their relationship by undermining that trust. Fight this by coming clean with your wife about the things you’ve been keeping from her.
He is consistently and unapologetically selfish.
Young kids often have a hard time sharing, but with a little patience and parenting, they usually grow out of it. A man who never grows out of selfishness is hard to live with. When a husband spends most of his time worrying about himself, he’s likely to miss the moments his wife is sharing her heart with him or asking for his help. This can lead to disconnection and resentment. Fight this by making a conscious effort every day to put your wife first.
He stares at other women.
Women often struggle with comparing themselves to other women. When a husband stares at other women, he feeds his wife’s insecurities (and yes, she knows when it’s happening). This not only causes tension between a husband and wife, but when repeated over time, it might even lead to cheating. Fight this by building a habit of self-control.
He takes his wife for granted.
Wedding vows usually include some version of “I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.” These are words a husband is meant to live by in every aspect of his marriage. A man who forgets this and instead allows his wife to take care of the house and the kids without taking any initiative to tag team these tasks is, in fact, doing the opposite of what he vowed. Instead of feeling loved and honored, his wife feels used and taken for granted. Fight this by doing things on purpose to make sure your wife can never doubt how deeply grateful you are for her.
He has an unacknowledged or untreated addiction.
Everyone brings baggage into a marriage. Working through these issues together can be one of the great successes of married life. But when a man brings an addiction into a marriage that he’s unwilling to seek help with, the consequences are serious. A man’s family pays the price for his addictions, sometimes quite literally. Fight this by seeking help for the addiction as soon as you possibly can.
Sound off: what are other things husbands do to destroy marriage?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What does it mean to take something for granted?”