What Do I Do When I've Messed Up As a Dad?

Ep. 107 – What Do I Do When I've Messed Up As A Dad?

Have you ever messed up as a dad? Of course you have. We all have, and dad guilt is real. In this episode of the All Pro Dad Podcast, host Ted Lowe is joined by BJ Foster and Bobby Lewis to talk about how to handle our parenting mistakes in a way that keeps us close to our kids.

Why This Matters
How we respond after making a mistake shapes our relationship with our kids.

Types of Dad Mess Ups

1. Accidental Fails: These are NOT heart issues; these are just mistakes.

Examples: Forgetting something for school or mixing up practice schedules.

2. Emotional Mess Ups: These dismiss how your kids are feeling

Examples: Overreacting to something small or letting your anger spill over physically.

3. Social Mess Ups: Things that embarrass your kids.

Examples: Getting frustrated and vocal at a school activity or in the bleachers.

4. Guidance Mess Ups: Giving bad advice to you’re your kids.
Examples: Pushing too hard or not encouraging enough.

5. Presence Mess Ups: Simply, not being there for your kids.

Examples: Not showing up, missing games, recitals, or milestones, and being physically there but glued to a phone, or something else.

What is dad guilt?
Dad guilty is typically defined as the feeling men have when they think they have fallen short of their desires or expectations as a parent.

How To Get Over Dad Guilt?

Action Step 1: Have awareness.
Make your home a place where your kids can be honest when you blow it.

Action Step 2: Own your mess up.
Owning it means taking full responsibility for what you did without blaming anyone else or making excuses. When you admit your mistake out loud, you show your kids that real strength is about honesty, not perfection.

Action Step 3: Apologize.
Apologizing, at first glance, may seem like weakness or giving away your power as a dad. But it actually models a lot of strength. Show that you are strong enough to admit when you are wrong.

Action Step 4: Forgive yourself.
We are going to mess up as dads. We must learn to forgive ourselves. If we don’t, we may likely build up guilt.

Action Step 5: Plan for next time.
Planning for next time helps you move forward instead of just feeling bad. When you tell your kids what you’ll do differently, it shows them you are still learning too. It is not about being perfect, it is about progress.

Important Episode Timestamps

00:00 – 03:53 | The Broken Wrist Vacation Fail
Bobby tells the story of accidentally making his daughter hike the Smoky Mountains for a week with a broken wrist.

03:53 – 05:12 | When Kids Hide Their Pain to “Be Easy”
The dads discuss how kids often mask discomfort so they don’t inconvenience the family.

05:12 – 06:33 | The Garage Door Face-Plant Story
The dads swap painful-but-funny “dad wasn’t paying attention” accident stories.

06:33 – 09:22 | When Your Mistake Becomes a 4,000-Pound Reminder
A tale of a major car mishap leads into a bigger point about how mistakes can stay with you.

09:22 – 11:25 | The Big Question: What Do I Do When I Mess Up as a Dad?
Dads mess up all the time. How do we respond when we inevitably fail?

11:25 – 13:49 | Embarrassing Kids in Public: Social Fails
The dads explore “social mess-ups.”

13:49 – 16:20 | Presence Fails: When You’re There but Not Really There
The dads break down how being distracted, stressed, or checked out emotionally can wound kids.

16:20 – 20:33 | Action Step #1: Show Awareness and Identify the Mess-Up
The dads stress the importance of actually noticing when you’ve messed up instead of brushing past it.

20:33 – 25:23 | Action Step #2: Own It and Apologize Well
The dads talk about taking responsibility, apologizing specifically, and modeling humility for their kids.

25:23 – End | Action Step #3: Plan for Next Time and Don’t Repeat the Pattern
The importance of following through, changing behavior, and building trust after a mistake.

APD Pro Move:
When you mess up this week, say you’re sorry. Tell your child they did not deserve it and remind them that you love them.

Sponsor:
The All Pro Dad Podcast is proudly brought to you by Family First, a nonprofit dedicated to equipping parents with resources to strengthen their families. Learn more at FamilyFirst.net.