We’ve all heard the old saying, “Silence is golden.” And sometimes, it absolutely is. But when Dad doesn’t know what to say or do, how does that impact his kids? In this episode of the All Pro Dad Podcast, host Ted Lowe is joined by BJ Foster and Bobby Lewis to talk about dads being distracted, dumbfounded, and disengaged.

Why This Matters

Silent dads are distant dads, and kids don’t need distance. They thrive on connection.

3 Kinds of Dad Silence

1. 1. Distracted Dad
   This happens when dads are physically present but mentally absent.
2. 2. Dumbfounded Dad
   This happens when dads get totally stumped or confused by something their kid does.
3. 3. Disengaged Dad
   This dad might take care of the essentials, but he’s usually not invested in his kids’ daily life.

Action Steps for Each Dad

If you’re prone to silence, follow these steps:

For the Distracted Dad:

1. 1. Put down the device: Set a time when you are not on your phone. For us it is in the car, when we come home or leave for work, or at meal time. It doesn’t have to be that exactly, but you need to pick some time.
2. 2. Make eye contact: It’s a simple, non-verbal way to show you’re present.  
3. 3. Repeat back what they said: Even if it’s just, “So, your teacher said that?” This shows you actually heard them.
4. 4. Schedule “connection time”: A regular walk, a game night, tucking in at night, or a specific time each day where distractions are off-limits. 

For the Dumbfounded Dad:

1. 1. Embrace “I don’t know”: For those moments when you’re stumped, it’s perfectly fine to say, “That’s a fantastic question! I actually don’t know the exact answer, but let’s look it up together!” or “Wow, that’s a deep one. What do you think?” This shows your kid it’s okay not to have all the answers.

For the Disengaged Dad:

1. 1. Acknowledge your state: It’s okay to say, “Hey, I’m a bit tired right now, but I really want to hear about this. Can you tell me again slowly?” This helps you be present even when you’re feeling a little worn out.
2. 2. Ask open-ended questions: Instead of “How was school?” try “What was the most surprising thing that happened today?” or “What made you laugh today?” This invites more than a one-word answer and shows genuine interest.
3. 3. Use “I” statements for feelings: If your child shares something emotional, try, “I hear you, and it sounds like you’re feeling frustrated right now,” rather than jumping to solutions. This validates their emotions and helps them feel understood.

Important Episode Timestamps

• 00:19 – 02:26 | Was Your Dad Talkative or Quiet?
  Each host shares personal stories about their fathers’ communication styles.

• 02:26 – 03:21 | The Problem of Dad Silence
  The three types of unhealthy silence: distracted, dumbfounded, and disengaged.
• 03:21 – 04:59 | Everyday Distractions
  Phones, fatigue, and busyness make it hard for dads to give kids full attention.
• 05:00 – 06:36 | The Distracted Dad
  The guys reflect on what’s lost when distraction signals “you’re not important.”
• 06:36 – 08:07 | The Fallout of Distraction
  Stories illustrate how distraction can damage connection and communication with kids.
• 08:07 – 13:25 | The Dumbfounded Dad
  Stories reveal how not knowing what to say—or walking away—can leave kids feeling unseen or like a burden.
• 13:25 – 16:12 | The Power of Saying ‘I Don’t Know’
  Admitting uncertainty and choosing empathy opens space for authentic connection with kids.
• 16:12 – 17:30 | The Disengaged Dad
  They discuss how doing only the bare minimum robs relationships of depth and leaves regrets behind.
• 17:50 – 22:41 | Action Steps for Each Dad Type
  Practical tips like putting down the phone, making eye contact, asking open questions, and naming emotions help dads re-engage.
• 23:00 – End | Pro Move of the Week
  The next time you find yourself silent, no matter the reason, ask a solid question. Even a simple, “Hmm, what doyou think?” can kickstart a connection.

Sponsor:
The All Pro Dad Podcast is proudly brought to you by Family First, a nonprofit dedicated to equipping parents with resources to strengthen their families. Learn more at FamilyFirst.net.