We’ve all said something we thought would be helpful only to later regret the harm we caused. We had good intentions, but still messed up. In this episode of the All Pro Dad Podcast, host Ted Lowe is joined by BJ Foster and Bobby Lewis to discuss the lasting impact a father’s words can have on his children. They unpack things you should never say to your kids and offer healthier, more encouraging alternatives that build confidence instead of tearing it down.

Why This Matters

A father’s words often become a child’s inner voice, making it critical to speak truth, encouragement, and love with intention.

Key Takeaways

• –Avoid labels, comparisons, and discouraging statements that attack your child’s identity instead of addressing their behavior.
• –Encourage effort, growth, and resilience without offering false praise or unrealistic promises.
• –Sometimes the most powerful message isn’t a perfect speech—it’s consistently reminding your children they’re loved, believed in, and never alone.
  
  

Practical Tips for Dads

1. 1. Replace criticism of your child’s identity with coaching about their choices or behavior.
2. 2. Follow through when you promise your child your time, showing them they are a priority.
3. 3. Make encouragement a daily habit by telling your children you believe in them, you’re proud of their effort, and you love them unconditionally.
   
   

Important Episode Timestamps

[00:00] What Should Dads Stop Saying to Their Kids?
Ted introduces the episode’s central question and sets up a conversation about the common phrases dads say every day that quietly damage their kids’ confidence, identity, and trust.

[00:50] The Night BJ’s Son Wrote His Article for Him
BJ shares the humbling moment his son rattled off a list of things BJ had said that hurt him, launching a conversation about how easy it is for dads to go through life thinking their words are harmless when they’re anything but.

[03:50] “Why Can’t You Be More Like Your Brother?”
Ted explains why comparison phrases are toxic regardless of intent, and makes the case that every child deserves to be parented with complete focus on who they are.

[05:49] “I Don’t Have Time Right Now.”
Bobby unpacks how the words and tone behind “I don’t have time” communicate to kids that something else matters more than they do.

[09:03] “I Don’t Think You Can Do It.”
Ted explains why “I believe in you, go for it” is a more honest and powerful thing to say to your kids.

[12:04] “You’re Such a Disappointment.”
BJ explains why labeling a child as a disappointment is a weight they carry for years.

[15:08] “Don’t Be Such a Wimp.”
This almost always lands as “you don’t have what it takes,” regardless of how the words are delivered.

[16:47] The Danger of Labels — Even the Ones Said as a Joke
Ted and Bobby discuss how throwaway comments and backhanded compliments get hardwired into the way kids see themselves.

[18:19] “You Can’t Do Anything Right.”
Using absolutes like “always” and “never” paint kids with a permanent brush.

[19:40] “Why Didn’t You ____?”
No matter what fills in the blank, when dads say this they heap expectations on kids, convey disappointment, and add pressure to their lives.

[22:12] Nothing.
Sometimes saying nothing at all is the worst thing a dad can do.

[23:28] This Week’s Pro Move:
Ask your kids, “Have I ever said anything that hurt you?” Listen to their response and own it.

Quotable:
“I don’t think dads have bad hearts. I think we have bad habits.” – Ted

Sponsor:
The All Pro Dad Podcast is proudly brought to you by Family First, a nonprofit dedicated to equipping parents with resources to strengthen their families. Learn more at FamilyFirst.net.