I thought I knew how to show appreciation to my wife. But one day after work, she spoke up: “Every time you come home and start picking things up, it makes me feel unappreciated.” I had gotten into the habit of looking for all the small things that were out of place in the house, so much so that all the work my wife had done throughout the day was invisible to me. She wasn’t feeling recognized for the laundry she had folded, the clothes she ironed, or the school project she bent over backward to get done with our kids. All I could see were the things that weren’t done. I knew I had to open my eyes to the work she was doing. So, the next day, I started complimenting the things she does.
When is the last time your wife felt sincerely appreciated? Genuine appreciation requires paying attention and being intentional. And if you get creative, you can hit the mark even more. Here is how to show appreciation to your wife in 5 unique ways.
1. Study her.
Make a deliberate effort to study your wife like you’d study something you’re passionate about. Notice which coffee mug she uses all the time, and to show your appreciation, fill it with her favorite drink and bring it to her. Pay attention to how she likes to relax after a tough day and do whatever it takes so she can do that a little more often. Learn which movies she quotes, or which songs make her turn up the volume, and involve them in her day. This isn’t just about gathering information—it’s about applying that knowledge in thoughtful ways.
2. Create a “Reasons I Appreciate You” time capsule.
Start with a decorative box, container, or jar and commit to writing one specific thing you appreciate about your wife each day for a year. These aren’t generic compliments but detailed observations: “I appreciate how you found the perfect words to help our son through his disappointment at soccer tryouts today.” or “The way you handled that difficult conversation with your boss showed incredible wisdom.” Seal each note in the container and present it on your anniversary or her birthday. This isn’t just a gift—it’s a year’s worth of intentional noticing and valuing.
3. Plan a “Roles Reversed” day.
Choose a day to take on all of your wife’s typical responsibilities—not as a one-time favor but as a genuine effort to understand her daily experience. Write the list of tasks with her and show her your appreciation for how much she does for you and the family. Don’t treat this like a challenge to overcome. Approach it with curiosity about her normal routine. You’ll gain insights into the mental load she carries and the skills she uses daily that often go unacknowledged. Then, get to work.
4. Curate a personalized playlist of significance.
Music has special significance for me and my wife. Try creating a playlist that tells your story together, highlighting songs from significant moments in your relationship or tracks that express what you admire about her. Maybe it’s from the first musical you saw together or a song from the album you used to play in the car all the time when you were dating. If you’re musically inclined, writing her an original song takes this to another level. Even if you’re not a professional musician, a heartfelt amateur creation often means more than a polished performance without personal meaning. I’ve written my wife three songs, and one of them got her to fall in love with me.
5. Arrange a surprise “Appreciation Station.”
Want to know how to show appreciation to your wife? Transform a spot in your home into a visual representation of your appreciation. You can display items that represent her achievements, strengths, and qualities you admire. Include photos of moments she shined as a mother, professional accomplishments, handwritten notes from you and the kids about specific things you love about her, and symbolic items that represent her impact on your family. It will be like her walking into a space that fills her entire being with appreciation.
Sound off: How often do you genuinely express appreciation versus noticing what isn’t done?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What is one creative way you can let others know you appreciate them?”