We all want to know how to raise happy kids. We work long hours to make more money so they can do all (or at least most of) the things they want to do. Sometimes we get mistaken for an Uber driver shuttling our kids from one event to the next. It’s not difficult to exhaust yourself trying to make sure your child has a great time.
But what if we’re inadvertently stealing from our children the thing we most want for them? What if all of our hard work is actually serving to make them less happy? Here are 3 surprising ways to steal the joy from your kids’ lives.
1. Keep them distracted.
If you’re like me, keeping your kids distracted can be a survival technique. We’ve got a lot going on, so we need our kids to be entertained and kept out of trouble. We stick them in front of the TV or a phone so we can get more accomplished and keep them “happy.” We involve them in multiple sports and after-school clubs to keep them busy. Weekends are packed with activities, and rarely is there down time.
We often associate this full schedule with happiness, but in reality our kids are just distracted from the relationships that matter most to their happiness: their family. Studies show that a key indicator of child happiness is the strength of family bonds. My advice on how to raise happy kids: Refuse to simply distract them. Allow space in your lives to be together. Do the hard work of being engaged.
2. Take everything seriously.
Life can be hard. Pain and suffering are embedded in the human experience. Even if you have a relatively easy life, the morning notifications on your phone are sure to remind you how difficult life can be for so many. If you’re someone who is empathetic and feels the pain of others deeply, it can be a lot to carry. But even if you aren’t, it’s easy for life to take the wind out of your sails. This can lead to a real seriousness to how we approach life and relationships.
My advice on how to raise happy kids: Pay attention to what you give your attention to. If you fixate on the difficulties, whether your own or the world’s, it will steal your joy. And if you are a joyless parent, you will rob your child joy, too. Instead, create opportunities for play with your children. Waste time with them. Go on walks. Tell dad jokes. Share funny memes. Courageously refuse to take life too seriously.
3. Don’t take care of yourself.
You can’t give what you don’t have. This is obvious, right? And yet, we don’t often carry this mindset into taking care of ourselves as dads. We work long hours, postpone that doctor’s appointment, push off exercise, get far too little sleep, etc. We often feel like we’re doing this for our family. We love them so much we’re willing to sacrifice our health if need be so they can have everything.
However, if you aren’t taking care of yourself, one of the things you’re “giving” your children is the message that their own personal well-being isn’t all that important. In addition to that, you’re robbing your kids of experiencing you at your best. They’re always getting “tired, irritable, stressed out” you rather than “playful, relaxed and energized” you. And the best version of yourself is way better than whatever you think “exhausted” you is offering them. My advice on how to raise happy kids: Invest in your own well-being.
Sound off: When is the last time you laughed a lot with your children?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What are the top three parts of your bedtime routine that result in a really good night’s sleep?”