I don’t know about you, but I’ve often gone through the Christmas season with a great deal of internal conflict. On the one hand, I love it. The sense of expectation and joy. The gatherings of family and friends. Sweets. And yes, watching my kids curl up on the sofa, anxiously awaiting the signal that they can begin opening their gifts.
At the same time, I know the frustration of spending more money than I should only to see my kids’ excitement fade after 30 minutes and boredom set in. I’ve heard the question, “What else did you get me?” immediately after opening what I thought was sure to be the best gift ever. And I’ve sat in a room filled with wrapping paper and cardboard boxes after a whirlwind 15 minutes, wondering, “Was that it?” The truth is, often our Christmas celebrations are simply obligatory shopping sprees rather than meaningful moments. And yet we mostly hate the former and long for the latter. So how can we shift from the meaningless to the meaningful? If you’re looking to make Christmas morning special, here are 5 practices that have transformed Christmas for our family.
1. Build in other traditions.
What do your kids think of when they think of Christmas morning? Is it entirely about gifts? What if you build in other traditions that are just as central? For example, our family always chooses a special breakfast that is easy, but we all look forward to. It could be cinnamon buns, fruit, or donuts. It needs to be simple, but enjoyable. We also make a point to read the Christmas story together on Christmas morning before a single gift is touched. It’s not easy to hold off on other things, but after years of doing it, it’s expected.
We deliver Christmas cookies to our friends and neighbors after all the festivities have died down. It’s short. We don’t really stop and talk. But it creates a rhythm of blessing others in small ways so that the focus isn’t only on what you’re getting.
2. Set a limit on gifts.
As we’ve thought about how to make Christmas morning special, we’ve found it necessary to rein in our own tendency to just buy stuff for our kids. When our kids were young, my wife had the idea of only giving three gifts to each child. She’d heard of other parents using the idea from the story in Matthew’s Gospel in which Magi from the East brought three gifts for the baby Jesus: gold, frankincense, and myrrh.
While we certainly don’t see that story as intending to be instructive, the imagery provided a framework for keeping gift buying under control. We maintained this tradition throughout the years our kids were home. Sometimes, this was very difficult. And if I’m honest, we’d fudge it at times (stockings didn’t count, so we might throw a gift in there), but regardless, it forced us to be intentional, creative, and thoughtful. And it taught our kids to expect three gifts, which helped moderate expectations and rein in spending.
3. Have them buy each other (and you) gifts.
When our kids were young, we began the tradition of giving them a budget (funded by us, of course) for buying their siblings’ gifts. We had four kids, so rather than having each of them buy for everyone, we’d do a name exchange. Part of the fun was going out with Mom or Dad to shop. As they got older and started working, we switched to having them spend their own money. We kept the cost reasonable (never more than $20). The key wasn’t buying something big, but getting something unique that showed you thought about them. And there was always the fun of discovering who had you this year! Eventually we encouraged them to think about getting something small for their parents. Not because we wanted anything, but because we wanted them to think together about how they could express their appreciation.
These practices helped shift the focus, at least a little, to “What can I get for others?” rather than what can others get for me. It also expanded ownership from Christmas being something the parents pull off for the kids to something we all do for each other.
4. Serve others together.
Many people, when thinking about how to make Christmas morning special, include acts of service with their family. This might sound crazy. After all, how do you fit in something like that in a day that’s often full of activity (not to mention the football and basketball games)? And yet, passing out on the sofa while the Packers and the Bears play isn’t really the core memory we’re all looking to build with our kids.
Serving at a soup kitchen, caroling at a nursing home, or identifying a family in need that you can take a meal to or provide gifts for can all be really great ways to build serving others into your holiday traditions. And as you serve together, not only do you legitimately help people, you also broaden your kids’ perspectives, build core memories together, and give them something to look forward to that isn’t about themselves.
5. Make generosity central.
A few of these practices certainly move us toward being more generous. But as my wife and I have thought about how to make Christmas morning special, we’ve felt it was important to be as explicit as possible. When our kids were preteens, we started the practice of setting aside a portion of money that we would decide as a family how to spend. Then we would celebrate together as part of our Christmas morning rhythm. One example is World Vision’s gift-giving guide. They let you purchase a chicken, a goat, or another item for someone in a developing country. They also provide an explanation of how that purchase benefits them. We would decide as a family which one to purchase, then talk about the impact as our final Christmas morning activity.
Other times we would give a gift to an organization that our family cared about, in our family’s name, and share it with our kids as a surprise “gift” that someone would open and read to everyone. These simple practices became opportunities to celebrate generosity to those in need as much as giving gifts to one another. They also became a favorite part of our Christmas traditions.
Sound off: How have you worked to make Christmas morning special for your kids?
Huddle up and ask your wife, “What’s one thing we could do this Christmas that would make it Christmas morning extraordinary?”