There are very few things on this planet I enjoy more than smoking meat. It’s an unhealthy obsession, really. I am constantly researching new recipes, buying spice rubs I don’t need, and discussing temperatures and techniques with other buddies who have been bitten by the BBQ bug. When I sink my teeth into some perfectly smoked pork, well, my insides feel like Christmas. If you know, you know. Because of this, I’ve ended up cooking other meals, too.
Growing up, my grandfather never cooked. Not unless there was a grill involved, at least. My dad was the same way. Preparing meals just defaulted to whichever woman was around. The women were good at it, and that’s just how things functioned. Our family wasn’t unique. But it doesn’t have to be that way. One reason I cook 5 or 6 days per week now is because it takes a task off my wife’s plate. There are plenty of things husbands can (and should) do for their families that have usually landed on his wife’s to-do list. But as leaders, we can challenge those norms. Here are 4 traditionally female gender roles men should adopt.
1. Tradition Keeper
My wife is great about filling Easter baskets or buying cookie ingredients at Christmas. Those annual traditions matter to her. I admit, it’s hard to match her pace. But traditions form memories, and I want my kids to have fond ones from growing up in our home. That requires effort, and your wife shouldn’t be the only one making an effort. My favorite annual tradition is on Christmas morning, when I hide three small Jesus figurines around the house and ask the kids to find them and return them to the nativity scenes in the living room. Hiding them is fun for me and the kids look forward to doing it each year. Men, plan ahead and prioritize these traditions that form memories for your kids.
2. Educator
My kids are homeschooled, so I’m around when they come running into the room with excitement on their faces after they’ve completed a project or learned a new skill. I leave a lot of the educating duties to my wife, and that’s not fair to her or the kids. They need their dad to be engaged, interested, and invested in their education. Education is about more than numbers and letters. It’s about showing your kids you care about teaching them things and encourage them when subjects get difficult. Get involved in your kids’ education by attending parent/teacher conferences, helping with homework, chaperoning field trips, or even attending or starting an All Pro Dad chapter.
3. Nurturer
There is a reason nurses hand newborns to the parents right away. The skin-to-skin contact forms an immediate bond that studies have shown has lasting impacts. As kids get older, moms tend to be the ones who keep holding on, bandaging scrapes and cuddling kids through sniffles. But nurturer is an important role for dads, too. A nurturer is someone who fills basic needs, provides emotional support, and fosters physical, social, and mental development. Kids who connect emotionally with their fathers are “less likely to experience depression, to exhibit disruptive behavior, or to lie” according to All For Kids, a nonprofit dedicated to building healthy communities. So, look for opportunities to guide and love your kids today. Your kids need you to do what Romans 12:15 says, to “rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”
4. Household Manager
Taking out the trash is one of those age-old gender roles for men. I do it pretty much every night. I’m less willing to tackle the “who needs to be where and when” stuff. Taking charge of duties like meal planning, scheduling, and organization helps your household function. Don’t leave it all to your wife. Sync your calendars in your phone. Have a weekly meeting about what big events are coming up. Volunteer to take kids to things so your wife doesn’t have to. Be a leader by determining the pace, rhythm, and tone of your home.
Sound off: How do you determine gender roles for men in your home?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What is one snack you could eat every day of your life without getting tired of it?”