My four-year-old daughter was upset when I only let her fill the slush cup two thirds full. Her protesting stopped when I added the ice cream. This particular “dad date” was my chance to introduce her to a “screamer,” a wonderful mixture of slush and soft-serve ice cream. She loved it and has never forgotten it—twice giving me a Father’s Day gift that included a drawing of us coming out of that convenience store, frozen treats in hand.
Our dad-and-daughter date that day cost me three dollars and a five-minute car ride, but it gave her a far more valuable memory of our relationship. This reminds me that the simple things I do for and with my daughter often have a greater impact than I realize. Our daughters are going to remember what we do, so let’s do things worth remembering. Here are 6 things your daughter sees you do that she won’t forget.
1. She’ll never forget your encouraging words.
When a dad says good, kind, and loving things to his daughter, she takes that message to heart. Knowing that she’s loved and valued lets her know she’s more than her mistakes and failures. Your encouraging words also serve to counter the various unhealthy messages she’ll hear from the world around her. (It’s also important to know that she’s not only going to remember the encouraging words, but she’ll notice the careless ones too. So we need to be careful with what we say.)
2. She’ll never forget when you’re willing to do what she wants to do.
There are days when being a dad can feel like a lot of interruptions and inconveniences. You might want to finish this project, watch this game, or even just shave in peace. But in some of those moments, there’s a book, a puzzle, or a tea party that’s got your name (and hers) written all over it. Your daughter notices when you are willing to stop whatever you’re doing and make time for her. This dad-and-daughter time is one way you can tell your daughter how much you love her without having to use words.
3. She’ll never forget the sacrifices you make.
Being a dad comes with a thousand unheralded sacrifices. Sleep deprivation, working to provide for your family, and the never-ending honey-do and daddy-fix lists can leave you feeling overworked and underappreciated. But your daughter notices it. She sees how you gave her the bigger piece of cake and kept a smaller one for yourself (or didn’t have one at all.) All of these things help her define the sort of man she’ll want to marry someday: one who puts his family first, just like you.
4. She’ll never forget what you reach for first.
A phone is often the first thing a man glances at in the morning, the last thing he checks at the end of the day, and the object of a lot of his attention in between. While phones can serve the family by keeping everyone better connected, they can pull a dad away from his kids. You speak loud and clear when you put the phone down to help her with her homework—and you send an entirely different message when it takes great effort to tear yourself away from your screen.
5. She’ll never forget how you treat her mom.
Whether your daughter’s mom is your wife and best friend, or someone with whom you’re barely on speaking terms, your daughter notices how you treat her. She notices whether you’re tender or abrasive, how you handle conflicts, and whether you present a united front when parenting your children. Your daughter will understand that relationships can sometimes be messy, but the way you treat her mother will be the standard by which she measures her own future relationships.
6. She’ll never forget how you relate to other women.
No man is as subtle as he likes to think he is. Chances are the waitress saw your lingering glance when you were out with your family at the restaurant, and your daughter did too. She will notice how you look at, talk about, and treat all the women you encounter. These small moments will go a long way in shaping her expectations of how men ought to treat her for the rest of her life.
Sound off: What are other things your daughter sees you do that she won’t forget?
Huddle up with your kids and ask them: “What is your earliest memory of spending time with me?”