I was staring at the ceiling, thinking about the long day I’d had. “I’ve got to do better,” I thought. Maybe it’s the football player in me, but I’m always evaluating myself. After a game, we always look through film and see where we made mistakes so we can eliminate them moving forward. Sometimes I’d even do it after a bad practice. Now that I’m a dad, I do the same thing. At the end of some of my days, I try to figure out how I can improve as a parent. This often happens when I lose my patience with my kids, get upset, and yell. Ever had that happen?
Kids aren’t perfect, and my kids are no exception. They create messes, talk back, and get into squabbles with their siblings. We need to hold our kids accountable when they step out of line. Unfortunately, there are too many days when I just react rather than be intentional about disciplining in a way that loves them and helps them grow. But over time, I’ve gotten better, and I’m working on getting better every day. Here are 5 things dads need to do when disciplining their kids.
1. Plan and prepare.
In football, we plan and prepare a lot, so at a pivotal point in the game, we often huddle up, call a new play, and then execute it. When I do the same things as a dad, I respond a lot better in the moment with my kids. Having a game plan in mind ahead of time can help us respond better to our kids when their behavior requires discipline. So my advice to you is to think about the things your kids do that upset you the most and then prepare your best response. Be ready for it to happen; it most likely will. When it does, your playbook will be ready, and you can discipline your kids well.
2. Breathe and reset yourself.
Inevitably, things go wrong. We don’t mean to, but we get upset and snap at our kids. When you feel yourself unraveling (or if you already are), take a timeout and breathe. I know it’s easier said than done, but the more we practice this self-discipline, the better we get. Count to ten and don’t say anything else until you’ve calmed down. Once you have reset yourself, come back to the issue at hand. The lessons you want to teach your kids will have a greater impact when you’re calm. And if you lost it, apologize. It’ll help keep you from losing it in the future.
3. Listen to your kids and understand why.
We need to work to understand why they are misbehaving. It helps us address the problem more effectively. That starts with paying attention and listening. For example, one of my sons used to act out every year around the time I left for training camp. The thing is, in the off-season, I was around all of the time, but during the season, it was more difficult. I was traveling a lot. The change made my son anxious, and that showed in his behavior. Knowing and understanding the root cause of his behavior gave me more empathy and a better way to respond when he acted out.
4. Be firm, but calm.
I’ve grown more as a person since becoming a dad for one reason more than any other: accountability. My kids point out when I mess up, but more than that, I see when I fall short more clearly now. The times I feel most convicted about my behavior, specifically my lack of patience, are when I see it reflected in my kids. It’s important to be firm with them because they need correction. However, they are going to mimic what they see. If we yell, they’ll yell at each other. If we’re harsh, they’ll be harsh. And if we overreact, they will do the same. Be firm but calm and measured. Again, I know, easier said than done, and I certainly haven’t mastered this. But I’m working on it. That’s what helps us improve as parents.
5. Explain why.
This is where we can often drop the ball when we’re on the goal line. After you’ve confronted the problem with your kids and spent time listening and understanding them, the next thing that’s essential is to explain what you saw, why it was wrong, and what the consequences are for that kind of behavior. It’s probably good to discuss how it can affect them in the future too. For example, if your child lied, it would be beneficial to explain how lying breaks trust and hurts friendships. It causes distance between two people. Explaining all of the whys can reduce disobedience moving forward.
Sound off: What are some important aspects of discipline that you would like to share?
For more tips on discipline, check out this podcast:
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “Is it easy or hard for you to apologize to someone?”