When my oldest daughter was in high school, I was able to drive her to school almost every day. This one-on-one time was priceless. We talked about everything: her future career, relationships, school, and what my life was like growing up. It was a time I will always be grateful for, as it helped solidify our connection during what can be a challenging time for teens and parents.
While your kids may have worshiped the ground you walked on when they were little, as they become teenagers, things often change. Sometimes, teenagers drift away from their parents, and quality chats happen less frequently, if they happen at all. But prioritizing time with your teen and getting to know her better as an adolescent are essential to maintaining (or building!) a good relationship. Not sure how to talk to your teenager? Use this list to get things rolling. From lighthearted to more serious, here are 8 conversation starters for teenagers to get them talking.
1. What was the best (and worst) part of your day?
Asking about the best and worst parts of your teenager’s day is a lot less open-ended than “How was your day?” Her answer can give a snapshot of what’s going on in her life. Keep in mind that even if she doesn’t answer or she groans, you can try again a few days later. Sometimes teens just don’t feel like talking, and we shouldn’t annoy them. But your interest is a reminder that you love her. To keep things interesting, try variations of this question, like, “What was your high and your low today?” Or, “What made you laugh today? Did anything make you roll your eyes?”
2. What’s something funny or interesting you saw on your phone today?
From the moment they get one, teens don’t seem to want to put their phones down. But you can use this to your advantage.
Try this: Ask him to share something specific that he saw or watched on his phone. We’re not talking about him sending you a link when you’re in the next room. Nope. Do this instead: Sit down beside him and have him show you the thing that made him laugh.
3. What do you want to eat?
Eating with someone is a great bridge to further conversation. If you’re wondering how to talk to your teenager, a food-related question might be helpful. Ask him what snack, treat, or meal he’s most interested in at the moment. Then, if you can do it, go with him to get (or make) whatever he’s suggested.
4. Where do you want to go?
Most teens have thought about interesting places to travel. It might be somewhere a friend lives, a more exotic trip after they graduate, or a bucket list of places she wants to visit…someday. Ask about these places, who she’d like to go with, and why. This might be a good time to talk about some of the places you’ve been and where you still hope to go.
5. What do you NOT want to do when you grow up?
Teens get so sick of answering, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Try flipping the question around instead. What are the careers he would never consider? What are some of the experiences he never wants to try? Taking the time to listen to what your son doesn’t want to do could give you insight into the things he’s worried or anxious about, giving you the chance to be a support to him.
6. If you were in trouble and couldn’t get a hold of your mom or me, who’s the next person you would call?
Even in the 21st century, people can be unavailable. Asking who your teenager would call for help isn’t just a practical question. Her answer will also give you some insight into who she considers to be the safe people in her life and help you understand what sort of people she trusts the most.
7. Where do you need some help?
When he was little, your son may have been quick to bring a broken toy or math problem to you because he trusted your ability to fix it. Teenage boys can be afraid to ask for help because they don’t want to seem weak. (And teenage girls can be afraid to ask for help because they don’t want to look dumb.) Asking open-ended or specific questions about places you can help them (fixing a car, making a budget, relationship advice) gives your teen an opening to ask for help.
8. What would you change?
This is the sort of question you could ask on a larger scale: “If you were in charge of the country/world, what would you change?” You could also ask it on a smaller scale: “If you were in charge of our home/family, what would you change?” How your daughter answers this question might give you a snapshot of things she might not otherwise tell you.
Sound off: What’s another conversation starter for teens?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What is one thing you think about when you can’t sleep?”