A few weeks ago, my wife sent me an Instagram reel of a comedian joking about all the drop-offs and pick-ups he does every week with his kids. I laughed… until we did the math ourselves. We have three kids, two different schools, and all three kids are in sports and activities. When we added it all up, Monday through Friday, we do forty-two pickups and drop-offs every single week.
That number floored me. No wonder we feel like we live in our car. And if you’re a dad, you probably get it—life is full throttle. But here’s the thing: In all that running around, your marriage can easily go into “autopilot.” You love your wife, but the connection starts to fade because you’re just surviving the schedule. One of the greatest gifts we can give our kids is a strong, connected marriage. They need to see Mom and Dad choosing each other, even in the middle of the chaos. So, here are 5 winning plays to keep your marriage strong with busy kids.
1. Schedule non-negotiable dates.
If it’s not scheduled, it probably won’t happen. Treat time with your wife like you would a big game or an important meeting—it’s non-negotiable. Pick a day, put it on the calendar, and make it happen every week.
It doesn’t have to be fancy—a coffee run, sitting on the back porch, or a walk around the block counts. The key is to protect that time. Move it only for real emergencies, not just because the week got busy.
2. Leverage the everyday stuff of life.
You don’t always need a big date night to stay close to your wife. Use the little windows you already have. Cook dinner together instead of just splitting tasks. Ride along on errands and catch up in the car. Sit together at practice instead of scrolling on your phone.
Even a quick text during the day to tell her you appreciate her goes a long way. Leave a sticky note on the coffee pot when you have to leave early. Be creative. These small plays add up and keep you connected when life is moving fast.
3. Go to bed at the same time.
Bedtime is one of the easiest connection points—if you’re intentional. Many nights, my wife wants to go to bed early, when I still have a little work to do. Instead of just saying goodnight, I will sit in bed with her for a few moments before she’s ready to go to sleep, and then get up and finish my work. Use those few quiet minutes to talk about your day, share what’s on your mind, or be together without distractions.
If your schedules don’t always line up, pick a few nights each week to make sure you go to bed at the same time. Even something simple like holding your wife’s hand before she falls asleep can create a steady sense of connection.
4. Learn to say NO.
You can’t do everything. Overcommitment is one of the fastest ways to strain your marriage. If your home is like mine, many of the “yeses” come from your kids making plans without you knowing it, and can cause more strain to your schedule. We made a rule that before they say yes, they must talk to Mom and Dad first.
You see, every “yes” is a “no” to something else. Create a list of questions to ask yourself before saying yes to something. Will this take away from my family? Will this benefit my family? Will saying “yes” cause her frustration? Will her saying “yes” cause me frustration? Make your own list that fits your family. Saying “no” to some good things allows you to say “yes” to the best things—like prioritizing your marriage.
5. Pursue her relentlessly.
If you find yourself drifting, pursue her relentlessly. “Yeah, but she doesn’t pursue me.” So what? Go first. Lead by example. Strong marriages don’t just happen; they grow when you keep showing up and pursuing her. Flirt with her. Make her laugh. Date her like you did before kids. Surprise her with a note, a small gift, or a simple act of service. Pursuing your wife reminds her she’s still your top priority—even when everything else is fighting for your attention.
Prioritizing your marriage with busy kids takes effort, but it’s worth every moment. When you intentionally schedule dates, leverage the everyday moments, work to be in rhythm with each other, set boundaries, and keep pursuing each other, you build a marriage that not only survives but thrives. And your kids will benefit from the security and joy that flow from your connection.
Sound off: Is prioritizing your marriage something that comes easily for you? Or does it take some effort?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “Is it a good idea to be busy all the time? Why or why not?”