I couldn’t believe it when I first heard the news. How were they, of all people, getting a divorce after more than 30 years of marriage? It happens, and far more often than we’d like to admit. Couples drift apart and fall out of love, but almost always gradually over time, and often hidden from sight.
Sadly, many spouses who love each other are no longer in love with each other. But that doesn’t have to spell divorce. Whether it’s falling in love or falling out of love, both are a choice, and both take work. When we choose to lead our heart, our heart will naturally follow! And when we choose to act like we’re in love, our feelings will eventually catch up. So, no matter how you’re feeling, here are 5 ways to fall in love with your wife again.
1. Speak her love language (rather than just your own).
Doing things for your wife speaks love. However, most of us naturally do the things for them that speak love to us, because it’s easiest and makes the most sense to us. I love to randomly kiss my wife, and while she’s OK with that, my randomly doing the dishes speaks love a whole lot louder to her. This doesn’t mean you can’t do both. Just remember, love goes beyond what’s easiest and strives for what’s best.
Love goes beyond what’s easiest and strives for what’s best.2. Communicate intentionally (not just out of necessity).
Sometimes between the kids’ practices, school events, getting groceries, and paying bills, all of the more important stuff to talk about can get shifted to the back burner while all the urgent stuff that has to get done just to keep the family afloat gets the best of our time and attention. This inevitably leaves both you and your wife feeling disconnected. Whether it’s over morning coffee or a weekly date, schedule times in your routine to communicate about the things that matter most.
3. Spend purposeful time together (rather than just passive time).
Staying in love requires a lot more work than just staying married. Couples who make it over the long haul most often do so on purpose. And the secrets to such success usually happen in the moments rather than the years. Little things like learning to prioritize face-to-face connection time, laughing together, and scheduling private times away are powerful and purposeful. Couples who learn to have fun spending meaningful time together find it easier to stay best friends and lovers than couples who don’t.
4. Give her the best of yourself (not just the leftovers).
A husband in love gives priority to his wife, her needs, and her desires. He goes out of his way for her more than for anyone else. And he strives to save the best of himself for his better half. Even if it just means being available to do the occasional coffee run for her favorite drink. Or putting your phone down to give her your full attention during a conversation. Why? Because if we’re going to “bend over backwards” for anyone, it ought to be for the one person we’re in love with.
5. Think happy thoughts about her (even after years of being married).
What kinds of thoughts come to mind when you think about your wife, as compared to others? Do you have any pictures or reminders of her on your desk at work, in your vehicle, or on your phone’s home screen? When you’re in love, there should be frequent times when you think happy thoughts about the one you love. (And don’t just think it—say it, or even text it to her.) When you feed your mind with positivity toward your wife, it’s amazing how it can help you fall in love with her all over again.
Sound off: Which of these stands out to you that you could prioritize this week?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What is something meaningful to you that I could do or say more often?”